#superman throwing his problems into orbit

[superman86to99]

Superman #93 (September 1994)

ZERO HOUR CROSSOVER! Due to the time-related shenanigans going on around the DC Universe, Superman meets his Kryptonian parents again -- and this time, his mom doesn't want to puke when she sees him! In fact, she even gives him a motherly kiss. Aww.

We start with Supergirl fighting some 68th century aliens who found themselves transported to present-day Earth and apparently figured they might as well invade it. Superman drops by and deals with the aliens via his usual approach to problem-solving: he just chucks their ship back into space.

As the heroes land back in Metropolis, Lois Lane hands Superman her cellular telephone because he has a call from Ma Kent, who sounds pretty panicked. The call abruptly cuts off, and there's a dramatic moment where Superman wonders if he can really leave the whole "the universe is in danger" thing aside for a while...

...before deciding that, yes, his mom is more important, obviously.

So, Superman flies to Smallville to check on his parents, only to find two surprise characters in their home: freaking' Psi-Phon and Dreadnaught. Wait, no, it's his other parents, Jor-El and Lara, just standing in the Kent's kitchen. Jor-El explains that, after sending little baby Kal-El's rocket to Earth all those years ago, they realized Krypton wasn't exploding after all, whoops. A scientist called Jen-Em had figured out how to stall the explosion, and then, after years of work, they managed to cure Krypton of its explosive tendencies for good.

Superman quickly figures out that this must be the result of the weirdness caused by Zero Hour (after all, he's been to Krypton and saw that there's nothing but a big ball of green gas there), but he agrees to put on a Cyclops-esque visor that will show him Jor-El's story in more detail.

Through the futuristic Viewmaster, Superman learns that in this timeline, Krypton's near-death experience caused the Kryptonians to re-evaluate their priorities and abandon their cold, emotionless ways (hence this Lara not being repulsed by her son). In fact, Lara became the first modern Kryptonian to get pregnant and have a child the old fashioned way -- meaning that, yes, Superman has a brother, Zan-El. Zan not only grew up to become "prefect over the entire planet" (so, world president) but, more importantly, he also brought back the shorter togas and fashionable headbands of Krypton's ancient, Mike Mignola-designed past.

Meanwhile, Jor-El had spent all those decades working on a cure to the genetic defect that kills Kryptonians if they try to leave the planet. He finally came up with a serum that temporarily allowed him and Lara to visit Earth, but it's already wearing off. So, Superman has to decide quickly: will he go live in alternate, non-exploded Krypton with his biological family? Or will he stay with his adoptive one that actually raised him and made him who he is?

Superman agonizes over the choice for a moment, but then he's like "hey, wait a minute, I can just go visit!" He informs the Els of his decision and they're overjoyed -- until a poorly-timed thunderbolt full of chronal energy strikes their spaceship and erases them from reality.

"The last son of Krypton is orphaned once again." Damn, Jurgens.

Metron of the New Gods comes to remind the grieving Superman that all the other superheroes are waiting for him at Zero Hour #3 (now on sale!), but Superman says they can wait a little longer because he has something important to do: hug his Earth parents and tell them he loves them.

CONTINUED IN ZERO HOUR!

Plotline-Watch:

This is a classic issue, obviously, but my problem with it is that one of the "next issue" blurbs in another Super-Title had teased it as "Guess who's coming to dinner?" -- and yet there's no scene of the Kents and the Els enjoying any type of meal. I haven't read the recent Zero Hour 30th Anniversary Special by Jurgens (I will once we're done covering the event), but this scene better be in it.

At the start of the issue, as she fights the aliens, Supergirl sees the Superman hologram that he and Metron created with Green Lantern's help in Zero Hour #4. We'll go over every DC comic that got spammed with green holo-Superman in another post.

It greatly pleases me that Superman specifically mentions the time, exactly 75 issues ago, when Hawkman took him to see Krypton's remains (at which point Superman hallucinated a timeline where the Kryptonians survived by becoming even bigger assholes). Sure, it later turned out that this was an evil Hawkman impostor who inexplicably helped save Superman's life, but Superman probably doesn't know about that whole mess, plus I think Zero Hour is about to delete it from continuity anyway.

The reason for that genetic link to Krypton that Jor-El mentions was the Eradicator, as revealed in Action Annual #2, but Jurgens also refrains from opening that particular can of worms in this comic (especially since the Eradicator is currently running around with a superhero team and even appears in Zero Hour).

Metropolis Mailbag:

Imagine our delight (and our embarrassment) when we opened the newsletter archive page for Man of Steel #37 last week and saw there was a comment there from Mr. Jon Bogdanove himself, which had been sitting there unanswered for over a month! Agh! Here it is in full:

"Don—Outstanding job identifying all the Batmen ( You even got Walt!!). The only one you didn’t get reflects my failure. What you guessed was Marshall Rogers was meant to be Bernie Wrightson. However I deeply regret NOT including Marshall. I really should have. I also left out Norm, mainly because I didn’t think I could do him justice. I tried a few sketches and was able to identify a number of tropes we took a similar approach to—but I just wasn’t satisfied that I could really nail Norm—at least in the time I had left. Teaching myself all these different styles really pushed the drop-dead deadline to the limit. I really put poor Dennis and Whitty under the gun on this one. I did learn a hell of a lot drawing this issue though. Nothing like studying the masters to help you learn!! BTW: Weezie and I love that everyone hated Jeb so very much. One gets to draw many villains in one’s career, but rarely does one get to create so dislikeable a douchebag! I consider Jeb a genuine achievement. I know 90’s Jimmy annoys some people, but to me Jimmy was always meant to be comic relief. I liked playing Jimmy as this doofus kid with a middle-aged dad’s sense of cool. He still cracks me up. I would love to do a Retro look at Zero Hour—perhaps a vignette from that same night— in which 90s Jimmy meets himself from various other timelines—Golden Age office boy Jimmy, Silver-Age drag queen Jimmy, Kirby-era Jimmy, etc. I’d dedicate it to Max!"

And my shamefully late response (gonna go ahead and blame the time disturbances for it):

"I am mortified that we hadn't seen this comment until now! (Didn't realize the newsletter wouldn't alert us, argh) Sir, if you don't draw that Jimmy idea, I swear I will commission it from you one day. I would add Turtle Boy Jimmy, My Adventures with Superman Jimmy, and of course bald, Superman-hating Jerry Ordway Jimmy. Just no Jebs, please."

(I now check the newsletter archive pages for comments 75 times a day, unless I forget.)

Shout Outs-Watch:

Time-displaced shout outs to our SUPporters, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Dave Shevlin, and Dave Blosser! Join them (and get extra non-continuity articles; the latest one was about Superman fighting a guy called BONECHILL in the 1989 cartoon) via Patreon or our newsletter’s “pay what you want” mode!

And now: more from Don Sparrow, who sent me his section weeks ago but it also got lost in time (actually, I decided to cover Zero Hour #4 first). Keep reading:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We open with the cover, and while it’s a bit broad, it’s certainly accurate for the story within.  I kinda dig that “DC Universe” trade dress, though it didn’t seem to last very long.  Inside the issue, we’re met with a lovely full-page splash of Supergirl amidst a LOT going on—thunderclouds, lightning, a firing spacecraft and a Star Wars style holographic projection of Superman.

I wasn’t sure which review to tackle first, Zero Hour #4, or this one, but since they seem to take place more or less at the same time (with the holographic message coming early into issue 4, but the New York meeting coming in Zero Hour #3), I flipped a coin and went with this one as happening first.  As the story progresses, Supergirl gets an assist from the Man of Steel in dealing with the timelost aliens, brusquely tossing them into space.  This issue exemplifies a trend I’ve noticed with Jurgens’ layouts since the Death and Return storyline—he uses a lot fewer panels per page than he once did, often with a near full page splash and then two or three panels laid overtop.  Visually, it’s very arresting, and Jurgens knocks the background splashes out of the park—on pages 4 and 5, despite being nearly identical scenarios (Superman and Supergirl flying in a stormy sky), they’re both so well handled, you don’t even mind the repetition.  But from a storytelling standpoint, it really does feel like a little less to read each issue, so the Superman issues seem a little thinner in terms of what actually happens.  Anyone else notice this? [Max: For me at the time, the shorter plots were balanced out by the fact that I spent more time looking at the big, awesome pictures, as opposed to the smaller, lamers ones in the backissues I was buying, with all that wasted white space between panels. I'm paying for the full page to be used, dammit!!!] 

Back to the art, page 7 has a great drawing of a pensive Superman. Page 9 is a great image, but a bit of a missed opportunity—the last panel would have been more impactful had Jor-El REALLY looked identical to Kal-El (which I’ve mocked up). [Max: I also made a small change to the panel, see if you can spot it...]

I do appreciate Jurgens’ and Rubinstein’s effort to still give the Els expressive faces, without eyebrows.

As Jor-El shares the alternate history of Krypton, Superman in the VR visor is pretty reminiscent of Cyclops from X-Men.  It’s compelling to see the flowing outfits that Zan-El and his bride wear, in opposition to the robes of Jor and Lara—much more like the early more Roman look shown in the first issue of the World of Krypton series.  My guess is the group that attend Zan’s nuptials are all members of the El family--I had thought that the different Kryptonian houses would wear different colours rather than everyone in green, but aside from the odd panel from Action Annual #2, I can’t seem to find much corroboration of that assumption.  The sweet image of Lara giving her son a peck on the cheek is quietly powerful, with a great expression on Superman’s face on page 17.  Lastly, the tragic page of chronal discharge (which sounds like a rap metal band name) and electrical storms is well drawn.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

When Superman is hemming and hawing over whether to focus on the extinction level event the superheroes are facing, or head to the farm to help his parents, Supergirl posits “There’s only one choice and you know it.”  I completely thought that it was setting up for him to focus on saving all of humanity rather than popping home for a visit.

Perhaps it’s because they were trying to have the Zero Hour books serve as a jumping on point for new readers (particularly the zero issues, which are coming soon) but some of the dialogue in this issue feels clunkily expository, like when Superman reminds his fiancée Lois and quasi-family member Supergirl that the Kents “may not have been {his} genetic parents, but they’re real as they come”, or later when Superman explains to Jor-El and Lara (and the reader) about Krypton’s explosion, and the Matrix chamber rocketship.

They kinda gloss over whether there was any fallout about being wrong about Krypton exploding, though I suppose it was more about Jen-Em stabilizing the core rather than Jor being wrong. [Max: "Krypton is gonna blow up, guys" is definitely a meme among the current Kryptonian generation because the scientists did such a great job stopping it, like Y2K or the hole in the ozone layer here.]

Have we ever seen a post-Crisis Kryptonian depicted as having anything but black hair? [Max: I'm pretty sure there were some non-black haired ones in World of Krypton, but it's hard to tell with the eyebrow-less, nun habit-wearing ones. It's possible they made other hair colors go away once they got all into eugenics, though.]

It’s interesting that this alternate Krypton goes one step further than Byrne’s origin, regarding the Els.  In Byrne’s history, Jor-El was a rebel in his society because he had actual affection for his lifemate, Lara.  The notion of natural conception and birth goes even further than that, and was explored in the Man of Steel film, where (spoiler alert?) Kal himself was the first child naturally conceived in love in generations.

This issue also reveals that the familiar robes and headpieces worn by Jor-El and Lara aren’t simply traditional garb, they’re referred to as life support suits.

Though the Kents are worried about losing Clark to his Kryptonian parents, Jonathan is all man, which explains why he picks this particular moment to go to second base with his elderly wife. [Max: He instinctively wanted to get working on a replacement son, forgetting he's been shooting blanks since youth...]

While Superman cries in anguish at seeing his biological parents detonate, Metron simply refers to them as “unfortunates”.  All heart, that one.

Missed an issue? Looking for an old storyline? Check out our new chronological issue index!

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

Drive-In movie season has begun. Remember going with your family when you were younger? Let’s take you back 10 years to see what the worst Second Feature in a Double-Play ticket might have been.

Aries 

What do you get when you mix Michael Bay, the Rock and a ripped Mark Wahlberg? The highly forgettable ‘Pain and Gain’; the story about a group of ex-convicts and bodybuilders convicted of kidnapping, extortion, torture, and murder in Miami in the mid-1990s. This week skip the gym. Leg Day can wait.

Taurus 

We have high hopes for your taste in entertainment and that you’re unfamiliar with ‘Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa’. With a budget of $15M it earned TEN TIMES its cost. This week watch an episode of, “OW! MY BALLS!” instead.

Gemini  

Ridley Scott is an amazing director, known for some amazing movies like Alien, Blade Runner, and the Apple 1984 commercial. To say that his crime-thriller, ���The Counsellor’ opened to a worldwide collective shrug would be about right. This week be content with just being “OK”.

Cancer Moon-Child 

It’s safe to say that most movies with Johnny Depp do great in the entertainment circles. Pairing him with Armie Hammer as a character that hadn’t seen a movie since 1981 might have been a mistake. 2013’s ‘The Lone Ranger’ was… poor. This week try to remember what Tonto’s Horse’s name was.

Leo 

If you want to enjoy the Sports Illustrated Bikini Issue on the big screen, look no further than the curious movie, ‘Spring Breakers’. Is it brilliant commentary on today's youth or a sexist, boring, ludicrous exploitation movie? We don’t know, and truth be told we don’t care. This week just throw away your Suncoast Video Rental card. 

Virgo 

If you take Mark Ruffalo, Morgan Freeman, Woody Harrelson, Michael Caine, and set them in a universe where sleight-of-hand magic almost is magic, you get ‘Now You See Me’. But, see, the problem is… when you have the literal embodiment of GOD in your film, how can you not just come to the obvious conclusion that he’s the one making all the magic happen? This week order a bowl of tomato soup.

Libra 

Remember when Disney used to make some amazing live-action films? They did ‘Treasure Island’, ‘Old Yeller’, ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks’, ‘TRON’, and ‘Flight of the Navigator’. For your movie we’re sad to say it’s ‘Saving Mr. Banks’. This week go watch ‘Old Yeller’... and bring some tissues.

Scorpio 

Remember when ‘Die Hard’ was a fun escapist movie? Even ‘Die Hard 2’ was pretty good. And we could have left it there, but NO! ‘Die Hard with a Vengeance’ then ‘Live Free or Die Hard’ and then FINALLY we come to your movie… ‘A Good Day to Die Hard’. Enough is enough. This week don’t go to the movies; read the 1979 novel ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ by Roderick Thorp instead.

Sagittarius 

A Sandra Bullock and George Clooney movie could have been a fun outing, but ‘Gravity’? It sets them in Low Earth Orbit fighting to survive Kessler Syndrome with long periods of stressful silence, trying to read Russian. Where’s the fun in that? This week renew your subscription to Duolingo.

Capricorn 

The only thing more horrible than your movie is the style of clothing in it. ‘Anchorman 2’ has traditional 1970’s wide lapels, plaid pants, brown leather suit jackets, and ties that were almost wider than they were long. This week be glad you don’t have to wear those styles today. 

Aquarius 

How many super-hero origin movies are we going to get for the same character? Superman, Batman, Spider-man… but for you, ‘The Wolverine’. Not ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’, just ‘The Wolverine’. We get it - claws, super-healing, super-sniffer, secret military test human subject… Just let Hugh Jackman do musical theatre like he really wants to.

Pisces  

You don’t get off that easy either, Pisces. You get a super-hero movie too; ‘Iron Man 3’, aka “Why the hell did Sir Ben Kingsley agree to do this film?” He’s played Gandhi, Itzhak Stern, and Otto Frank. Why would he agree to be playing a two-bit washed up English actor impersonating The Mandarin?! This week… start filling your pool now. It might be ready by the time it’s warm enough to swim in it. 

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[themoonwheniamlost]

Okay. Here we go. A.K.A. I hurt myself and also I hate it here.

So out of everything that decided to come for my neck yesterday, (Superman Yusuf, Dance AU, Boopley/Coper, ect.) 

Book of the Nile won because of these posts, (x), (X), (X), (x) 

So here’s this One-shot so that I can move on with my life and finish my other fics!

There is a NSFW section in between the asterisks. ***

So she works at him. They spend days pouring over new technologies, better ways to case targets, and hide resources. Days where they drink nothing but tea because his hands are shaking for a bottle but she reminds him how proud she is of him. Days where they talk about family and trying to find a place to stay after losing everything. They talk about these things with the whole team of course. But sometimes. Sometimes they are just Nile and Sebastièn. Talking on the couch at 3 am, knees brushing, eyes soft. 

The first thing Nile notices is how he watches her. Booker’s eyes are heavy enough for her to feel them but he always turns away when she looks back. She wonders if he knows how young it makes him. He must have noticed the trembling feeling, the slight shift in the air when they share the same space. But neither of them is ready. So they wait.

They wait and it takes years. She has to push him on almost everything. They talk about how he has to stop calling her a kid, how she’s there for him just like the rest of their team, their family. He’s gotten better, he’s done some healing, but orbiting around JoeandNicky, QuynhandAndy can hurt sometimes. Whether that hurt is envy or remorse, she doesn’t always know. But if Nile knows about anything its dedication.

The change comes when they start to talk about purpose, belonging. Nile talks about having to fight her entire life. Sebastièn tells her of fighting and fleeing. If he couldn’t save his sons, how can he save anyone else? Does he even deserve to? She feels like she abandoned her family. And no matter how much money she squirrels away to them it will never be enough. She won’t ever be with them again. They cry together, and nothing else is said. Because some grief you cannot get over you just get used to living with.

Nile tries to show him that they have a family to lean on. Here and now, his grief isn’t a weakness and he doesn’t have to hide it. Nile and Andy take bets on when Nicky will finally be able to talk to Booker, Quynh mentions having seen Booker and Joe watching the game, but at intermission butting their heads together to talk and giggle like little boys. It’s good to see him growing.

Nile grows too. They train her all the time. About pressure points and poison and wrestling holds. Nile asks for a set of broadswords. The team all take turns teaching her something. This is not to say that she doesn’t miss her old life, but she is steady and reveling in the new one. She feels alive and ready to topple anything in her way.

Booker remembers that first conversation when Nile held her hand in the fire just to see what would happen. To test herself. He does not want to be another flame to her if all he does is rend her flesh. He thinks about keeping her warm, about the gold tones of her skin in the glow. He is trying to find out if he is worthy enough for such a treasure. If nothing else, surely he can tell her, in small ways at least, of the fire he sees in her, the fire she lights in him.

The energy between them changes, deepens after her thirtieth immortal birthday. They throw a seven-person party. They take a moment to be silent over the chair. And then they start passing each other fresh bread and warmer smiles. They all give her gifts. Nicky and Joe give her a pass to an art seminar she talked about. Andy and Quynh give her a new set of throwing daggers, and the promise that when she’s mastered them they’ll talk about the broad sword. Copley gives her a new drawing tablet and a better analog camera. 

Booker gives her a tiny box the color of a blue robin egg.

The white letters “Tiffany” shock her. Inside is a rose gold locket, with pictures of her family. She sheds a few tears, he nods and they move on. Three bottles of wine and a ridiculous game of twister later, they all head to their rooms. Booker waits, clears the table, washes dishes, listens to make sure he is the last one there with her. He watches the line of her back for a moment, while she takes the gift out of its box.

“Will you help me put it on?” Nile is turning the locket over, holding the chain tight between her fingers.

He says nothing, just takes the chain from her hand, and drapes it around her neck. When it’s done he hooks a finger under her chin and moves her head back and forth. 

“Just like I thought. It fits you,” he lets her go to take a step back. He does not expect her hug but finds that he cannot help but return it. He presses his nose into the hair at her temple, nuzzles there while she squeezes his ribs. She whispers, “Thank you.”

Sebastièn holds her closer and says, “Happy Birthday Queen.” It is thanks enough to hear her laugh. 

 Nile doesn’t know what she expected to happen, but it wasn’t this. Not this subtle dragging kindness. Sebastièn starts complimenting her, seemingly at random. It’s not new per se, he’s done it since the beginning really. But soon Nile notices that the compliments are different. Measured. 

Sebastièn watches her, mumbles “I like it when you wear your hair that way.” Four days later she finds a small bag of gold beads for her braids. 

She’s been working on an oil painting all week when he says quietly, “Your style is starting to stand out more. I like the theme of water that you use.” The next morning there are new bangles on her side table.

One time they are helping Nicky in the kitchen when she cuts herself. Booker puts her hand under the tap and says, “For the brain of this outfit you sure are clumsy.” 

When she goes to bed that night there is a small antique ring on her pillow. Nile has questions. So the next day Nile does what she always does in these moments. She goes to Andy. A sparring session may be the wrong time to ask, but here they are.

Andy knocks her flat on her back and says,  “No. Absolutely not, ask him about it and leave me out.” 

 Quynh laughs, “Nile the ring probably means something. Which means you should talk to Joe and Nicky.”

So she does. After dinner, she asks them to walk her to the plaza to paint. They share a look and start putting on their coats. As they walk through the town she mostly listens to them talk, too busy turning the problem over in her head to be really engaged. When they get to their favorite bench in the plaza, they sit down with her in between them. 

“So are we going to keep talking about textile art? Or is our little sister ready to talk to us about love ah? About romance?”

“Amore we cannot tease her. At least not too much!” Nile pretends to slide off the bench while they laugh.

“This is why I always talk to Andy first!,” They kiss her cheeks and squeeze her arms. Joe says, 

“You know Andy! She’s very old, and can’t die. So you can imagine the kind of stress she’s under.”

They laugh together, give her time to breathe with them. Then they listen to her. Nile talks about how it has always been different with Booker, how they watch each other so often. The early morning conversations. They trust each other now. Warmth is growing between them. So that’s why she worries about the gifts. 

They’re beautiful! Yet she feels as if they are in the place of his affection rather than an extension of it. She asks her brothers why Booker thinks he has to buy her love? Does she seem that shallow? They tell her that isn’t the reason, that is more that Booker doesn’t think he can, or should, give her his affection. Which doesn’t make any sense so she just puts her hands out in frustration. 

Joe seems to be stumbling around saying something. Nicky keeps frowning. Nile watches them have a silent conversation when suddenly Nicky goes very still and looks away from them. Eventually, he is the one who explains it to her. 

“When you love someone… after you’ve done terrible things. After you’ve carried anger and bitterness inside of you for so long, you feel like you’ll break everything you touch. Like your hands aren’t worthy to hold your beloved, because you aren’t even worth the breaths you take. How dare you think to sully their beauty with your hands. The most expensive gift in the world is nothing in comparison to the worth of them in your life. So you don’t love them openly, You hoard your love, then try to show it anyway without putting yourself in the picture.” 

Nile watches Nicky look out at the stars. She turns to see Joe looking right back at her. They nod. Nile stands and moves to the other side of Nicky and pushes him into Joe. 

She opens her mouth to ask how Joe did it when she feels his hand on her head. She leans closer to them, turns into the arm Nicky holds around her, and listens. 

“It may take a while,” Joe is patting her head softly while he speaks. “You will have to remind him that love is not earned, it is given. You will have to tell him that hurting himself hurts you. You will have to remind him that you make your own choices and that you’ve chosen him. You have to have faith that he knows you belong together. There is hope yet, and I do not think it will take you so long as us.” 

“Why is that?”

“Because my darling river, the ring he gave you says *Adore.* And that is moving much faster than we ever did.”

She looks at them again. Watching the way they lean into each other. These men who have gone through so much together and still love so fiercely. She thinks of Sebastièn’s arms when he holds her, the way they can banter, the way it feels when he trusts her with his secrets. She thinks of how safe she is with him, how she trusts him. How long it’s taken them to get this far at all. She decides that its time to take the next step forward to their future.

Nile isn’t one to wait long once she’s made a decision. So the next morning when she comes down for breakfast, she is wearing every gift he has given her. Before he can say anything she slips away to the study, then passes him again to sit at the table next to Quynh.

She is constantly surprising him, this woman. He watches her come into the room and he probably stops breathing. She is beautiful, shining in pink and gold. He wishes for Joe’s skill in art so that he could capture the way she looks now. Sebastièn feels as if she is walking through the room with his lungs in her hands. She does not acknowledge him any differently than usual, she just says, 

“Good morning Book.”

And what? What is he supposed to do? He never thought that she would truly acknowledge him this way. He’d hoped but… He is watching her move past the table when he catches Nicky’s eye. Watches him drag a thumb across his neck. Booker looks to Joe, but they can’t make eye contact without laughing. It’s not perfect, but it is something, and Booker will take what he can get.

After everyone disperses for the day, Quynh and Andy sit in the study with him. He hasn’t read a single word on the page open in his lap. 

“Are you ready for this? Have you talked to her? Told her what you want?”

“Andy. I’ll take whatever she gives me and nothing more. I’m not sure that I’m not dreaming right now.” 

Quynh, taking a drink from his cup says, “She told me about her plans. Get ready.”

Booker has no idea how to do that. Nile is the first person to make him want to be ready to live, not just yearn for death. He is a bit scared of her to be honest. But he has read enough books, studied the world long enough to remember that water leads to creation. He wants to know what she will make of him.

She figures the best way for him to know that he doesn’t have to buy her love, is for her to show him. So she starts to leave notes in the books he’s reading. The first thing she leaves him is Barter by Sara Teasdale. 

“Spend all you have for loveliness, Buy it and never count the cost; For one white singing hour of peace, Count many a year of strife well lost, And for a breath of ecstasy, Give all you have been, or could be”

In return she finds Pablo Neruda’s Sonnet XI in her jacket. From then on it is a game of truth or dare. Endless excerpts of Chaucer and Wilde. Nile leaves her annotated copies of Angelou, Baldwin and Dumas around the house. Laughs when she cannot find them again.  There are so many words scattered and building between them, but they have spoken none of them aloud. It is a hovering cloud of sticky scared desire. She keeps playing the game anyway.

Booker wants to know her mind. So he steals her books and in their places leaves her more adornments and words from much better poets than he. A section of Milton and a silver anklet. A page of Naidu and a small jade necklace. He gives back her Angelou, but with a new gold cross inside. A book of Sappho, with pressed flowers. E. E. Cummings and a new set of paints.

He hopes that she knows what it means to him. The ability to read her. The things she says without moving her mouth. The way she will talk shop or sit in silence with him. They way she trusts him. He hopes she cannot see how much he follows her presence through the house. 

Upping the stakes, Nile starts to touch him more and more often. She holds his wrist to pull him into the car. A hand on his shoulder as she leaves the table. Her favorite perfume just before she hugs him good night. She pretends not to notice how he turns his face into her neck, how he tenses and bends under her hands. No need to tell him that he folds for her like molding clay until their tenth anniversary. At least that’s the advice she gets from Quynh.

It is somewhat of a team effort, enfolding them together. A charade in small acts. Andy helps her find the books he still wants for their collection. Nile and Joe spend hours debating the virtues of different kinds of prose while they sketch and paint. It soothes a small ache in her heart when Nicky and Quynh snatch her away for midnight ice cream, reminds her of her little brother. Her new siblings give her lessons on how to tease your lover without showing your hand. Trading embarrassing stories about each other under the eyes of the night.

She plays the game for months, knowing that he needs time, eager to show him that she is a safe place to stay. Eventually she has to go shopping for a new jewelry case, and a new keepsake box. 

They take a trip to the beach. She bought a new swimsuit just to see what he would say. He tells her, 

“It is good to see you happy, Chèrie,” and presses a perfect conch shell into her hands. Now Nile is a patient woman, but even her will is tested when she watches him help a child who swims too far out to sea that day. She watches him hold the boy to his chest, listens to him soothe the boy with a quiet, “You are safe now Mon chou. No more tears hm? Look, here is your mother. Smile for her, mon ours.”

She wonders who this man thinks he is? Realizes that she thinks of him as hers. She watches him move past the shadow of sadness and return to their small portion of the beach. She realizes that she wants his first move to be towards her, always. She says none of this. Instead she tells him that she looks like a drowned rat. Hears him say,

“Better than looking like a boiled lobster, Chèrie.” To which they all look towards Nicky and laugh. Nile laughs even harder when Nicky just responds with a single finger. It is good to see her family together like this. 

It is good. They are good. But she wants more than good. Nile wants more than this silent sharing of words between them. She might do something drastic if Sebastièn doesn’t say something soon.

They’re in the south of France when the tension breaks. She should have seen it coming actually. They’ve finished a quiet job, and everyone is a bit restless.  It’s safe enough to stay in the city so they decide to go to the theatre. A lauded production of Antony and Cleopatra that Joe’s been raving about. When they step out of the car, Nile tries to tuck her hand into the crease of his elbow only to be sent to buy some wine before they’re seated. When she gets back the only one there is Booker.  

He knows what they’re doing of course. Quynh whispers to him about courage, Joe says something about faith. Andy and Nicky nod. Then they leave. It is not that he doesn’t want to tell her, it is that he doesn’t want to hurt her. That he wouldn’t be able to stand losing her when he fucks it up. It fills him with heat and dread to see her coming near. The way she walks, the angle of her chin as she looks for them. The sharpness of her eyes as they settle on him. 

He does not know what he will do if, when, he loses her.  She deserves everything, how can he give her a shell of nothing? There are some days when he feels that he can work towards deserving her. Today is not one of those days.

Nile watches him tighten as she moves close. As they get to their seats, she sees him trying to sit in a chair a space away from her. Thankfully, another patron arrives and Booker is forced to sit next to her. She clenches her jaw and asks, 

“Am I that scary, you don’t even want to sit next to me in a dark room?”

“You are that scary, dark room notwithstanding.” She moves to slap his arm but he catches her fingers in his. The curtains open. In act one Nile waits for him to interlock their fingers, and when he doesn’t, she moves to pull her hand away from his. Onstage, Cleopatra is awaiting word from Antony only to find that he has married Octavia when Sebastien grips her hand harder in his. They do not get up during intermission. They say nothing. But his hand is in hers and his thumb runs over the ring he gave her. Slow and again, his eyes dark in the dim light.

Egypt goes to war with Rome and he brings her hand up to kiss her wrist. Antony is dying, but all Nile can hear is her heart in her throat as she rests her head against his arm. Neither of them truly watches Cleopatra die of the serpents bite. Too busy sharing air and tracing patterns on each other’s forearms. 

The air is tight between them as they leave the theatre. No big declaration. No long conversation about what they mean to each other. Instead, Nile is too busy laughing at what he says about the actor playing Caesar to worry about the rain starting to fall. They walk in the rain for a while before the droplets start to fall like pennies. Booker slips his arm around her waist to shuffle her under an awning.  Trying to shield her face as best he can, he says, 

“Mon étoile, why don’t you wait here while I-”

Their first kiss tastes like rain and softness. Nile grips the arm of his coat and the hair at his nape. He tightens his arm to pull her in tighter, she fits there like she fits into his bones, his spirit. The back of his coat is soaked in rain when he pulls back to clear his throat. 

“Why don’t you stay here while I go get the car?”

“As long as you make it quick.” She is smirking at him now, rubbing the tips of her fingers down his neck. He nods. He is back with the car in three minutes. 

***

Thankfully their path is free of immortals when they reach the house. This means that he can push her against the railing and steal his breath back from her. He is quietly proud that she is already making small sounds of want. He wants to hear pleasure out loud. So he carries her up the rest of the stairs and into her bedroom. 

The first time they make love their skin is still damp from the rain. Sebastièn undresses her with his eyes as much as his hands. Spends aching moments feeling her skin under his fingers, studying her shape in the glow. He thinks of how fitting it is to lay her by the fireplace. To watch her skin under that same glow and to know that she burns for him.

He leaves her jewelry on. It prides him to see her warm and adored. He hears her say, ‘’Hurry up love!” So he doesn’t. 

He takes her slowly. Long moments spent with his mouth on her breast, his scalp tight as she pulled his hair. He tries to cover her skin in his love. He kisses her jaw, her shoulders. He strokes her spine every chance he gets. His hands squeeze her hips, her waist, her ass.  He feels her hands everywhere. She holds his biceps, his neck, his thighs. She kisses him like he stole the air from her lungs and he tries his best to breathe for her in every second. 

When he moves down her body she tightens her thighs around him. He presses a hand under her knee. Moves to put her leg over his shoulder. He stops to bite her calf, to mold his mouth to her ankle. He lays his tongue against her heat until she cries. His tongue traces the words Adore, and L'amour across her lips until all he can taste is the honey she spills. 

He runs his hands over every inch of her that he can reach, and when he’s sure she’s ready he moves his hips to her. Her mouth pressed up to his while he presses into her. He moves slowly to savor it, but cannot resist the heat of her around him. He is probably raining on her with his tears, but he feels her hands and her mouth on his face and knows that it doesn’t matter

Nile is sure that he would have bruises from her hands if they were anyone else. She listens to him whisper in French. Wonders if he knows that she understands when he calls her perfect. That she knows when he thanks her for gifting him a treasure. She rolls her hips into him, shifts their weight to push him flat on his back. She grins down at him and says that he belongs to her now. 

They learn how to move together, not an instant tide. But instead a rhythm that they work for. They are both crying and laughing when the time comes. Her mouth against his neck and his hand rubbing circles against her heat. They lay there, chests heaving and limbs weak for…who knows how long. It could have been minutes, hours while she pushed his hair back and held him close. She would have laid there for days with his head against her breast. His mouth against hers. It is good, so they stay.

***

Two days after watching Antony die from love and hubris, she sees a gilded box from Chaumet at the foot of her bed. Nile opens the box first because she knows that the note is what he really has to say. She puts her newest gifts in her ears and  meets him on the balcony. 

She puts herself into his lap like she belongs there, because she does. He already has breakfast ready for her. Nile looks at the bowl of her favorite fruits, the still-warm egg, the cheese croissant on the table next to his. The first kiss of the day is lazy and long. His hand behind her neck and her nails in his shoulder. Long sweeps of his tongue against hers, a small bite at the corner of her mouth. Their kisses are easy like their laughter, and as patient as the day is long. She pulls back only to look in his eyes. 

“Good morning love,” she runs her nose along his jaw. His answer shakes her into laughter. 

“Good morning Queen,” In her mirth, he presses their heads together, buries his nose behind her ear, breathes in the scent of her. Nile has her hand on his chest, counting the beats of his heart next to hers. There is a bird on their railing, and Sebastian feeds her from his hands as she listens to the bird sing up the dawn. It’s beautiful how much love lies in what he does. She could listen to the song in his chest while the earth makes all its turns.

She knows that eventually they will have to face the rest of their family. Endure their teasing brothers and smirking sisters. There will be hugs and smiles and money exchanged. But right now? Right now she feeds him the taste of strawberries from her tongue. They have time.

There is an unopened note on her bedside table. Later, when they’ve said I love you and promised forever, this is the note she will come back to. A vow that he whispers to her on their journey across centuries. It reads; 

Egypt, thou knew’ st too well, My heart was to thy rudder tied by the’ strings, And thou shouldst tow me after. O’er my spirit Thy full supremacy thou knew’ st, and that Thy beck might from the bidding of the gods, Command me. - You knew just as I, that I have always been yours.

*

Thanks for reading! If you liked it please lmk! My whole kingdom for the best cheerleader/beta/Bestie ever!!! @jesuisnilunnilautre Tysm my love.

I am currently working on my *Save the Ocean/Quynh* and *Fundie Nicky* fics… But after that, what should our next Book of Nile fic be? I made more moodboards. Do we like them? Also here’s the vibes playlist on Spotify.

[linkbat]

There is this one comic in which Kyle Rayner got a white lantern ring and his first reaction was, “Stay away! Go to Batman, he knows how to handle this!”

And I thought that maybe that’s a common thing, that superheroes call Batman the same way civilians call for Superman. Because a problem they can’t solve is a problem Batman has a plan for. They just assume he has a plan for everything. And usually it’s true.

But at some point they are just like “Hey Batman can out stubborn death, so I’m sure he can out stubborn/solve this person/problem” Like if the alien that can move the earth out of it orbit can’t solve it, let’s asks the non-superpowered human Batman. 

Which works sometimes, but other times Bruce is completely out of his depth. And just does something because if he wouldn’t everyone would die. And it works, but the other members could have done it better, but when he tells them that they don’t believe him.

And at some point they fight some being of the fourth dimension or something and Bruce manages to talk them out of destroying the entire universe, which means that now nobody believes him that sometimes he just can’t. 

Since then every time there is some universal entity threatening to destroy everything they send them to Batman. If he just needs to talk them out of it it’s relatively fine, but fighting? He can’t, what’s he gonna do throw a Baterang at them? He knows that so he always tries to talk. Problem: It works and know the JLA think he can handle it.

And at some point people assume Batman is some kind of god because he ‘beat’ all those beings in ‘fight’. He isn’t. He still almost dies in a fight against Two-face. They don’t know that.

And at some point it goes horribly wrong and everyone is going to blame Bruce for not telling them sooner that he’s just a human even though he literally told them, but they didn’t believe him.

[cyclone-rachel]

you and me and atmosphere

a Supergirl fanfic

(post-Crisis, rating: G, word count: 2,000, pairing: Kara x present day Kenny Li although it’s pretty much completely platonic)

read on AO3 here

~

The stars looked different.

Kara didn’t notice immediately, as they were among the city lights and there wasn’t immediately time for her to look at the night sky clearly, but on one clear night, she did, and the realization refused to leave her alone.

She couldn’t yet examine what she recognized and what could have only been doppelganger stars from different universes, meeting in the same constellations and multiplying across the galaxy.

And that was just the stars- there was no way of knowing what planets were different from those she grew up learning the names of, studying alongside her aunt Astra no matter how much her mother disapproved as Astra brought her other ideals along with her during those visits.

She didn’t even know which ones had survived, and which still left vacant space in locations where life had once thrived, how many people on planets that once were who found themselves living different lives, with different families.

How many more people that had once lived on many planets, in many different universes, who now ceased to exist at all.

(The one exception- Argo. She had to know that it still lived, and when she and Brainy repaired the communication device that transmitted a signal back and forth there, hearing her mother’s voice answering her brought a wave of relief that overcame her as quickly as the tears that fell down her face)

Her first priority, however, on a night where she didn’t have to deal with Lex Luthor or other post-Crisis anomalies, was to find out for herself- just as she had when she first experienced such a disorientation after leaving Krypton, looking up at the stars above Midvale… first with Eliza and Jeremiah, then Alex, then a trusted friend. And now, on Earth Prime, she felt a need to do so again.

And so her search led her to an observatory located in one of the National City museums.

~

SPECTACLE OF THE STARS, the banner read, and Kara smiled as she looked up at it, before entering the area herself. It was close to the Krypton exhibit that she’d gotten to help with- and helped ruin, regrettably, even though that was more the fault of J’onn’s brother (she certainly hadn’t asked him to turn into a dinosaur- or for him to take Kara’s pod as a method of escape)- and before she got closer to the observatory, she lost herself a little bit in looking around there, seeing children look at everything that symbolized her journey so far, the last remaining pieces of the world she’d lost.

It was more comforting, certainly, than seeing them worship her- taking in everything with childlike wonder, admiring her accomplishments and learning her story but that inspiring them instead of throwing themselves in her path for her to save them. There was a kiosk, there, with a table that held a box of pencils and blank pieces of paper, as well as a large bottle full of those slips of paper, next to a cardboard cutout of herself, and a sign that read “How can you be a Supergirl (or Superman) to others?”.

As she watched, she saw a little girl and her mother both write things down and put them in the bottle, and she smiled. Nobody knew who she really was, here. Nobody was aware that behind Kara Danvers’s glasses was Kara Zor-El, their Supergirl, the Paragon of Hope who had helped make sure they had an Earth to live on. She and the others had brought the universe back, and as much in it as they could… but she was going to find out how much soon, after the crowd of kids around the museum’s astronomer dissipated.

~

“You’re in luck, you’re the last person who got here before my lunch break.” Says the astronomer.

Kara adjusts the bag she’s carrying on her shoulder, trying to be casual.

“Well, far be it from me to get between anyone and food.” She says. “I can… take a look myself, it’s okay.”

“Nope, that’s against the rules, I have to give my spiel to everyone.” He answers. “So, how much do you know about astronomy?”

A lot more than anyone would think.

“I learned the basics in middle and high school.” She says instead, casually, before looking up at the telescope, and the equipment attached to it. “How does this work, exactly?”

He smiles, and she moves aside so he can show her.

“Actually, I started out making a prototype of this myself.” He says. “And when I started working here, I got to design this version- basically the same technology, but on a larger scale and with a bigger budget. Without bogging you down in all the specifics, this screen-“ he gestures to it, with a constellation already visible- “captures what the telescope sees, in photographs that can even be downloaded on one’s laptop.”

If Kara hadn’t been feeling déjà vu before, she would be now, as the astronomer continues.

“Somewhere, past all that darkness, there are whole other worlds.” He says. “Can you imagine?”

“Yeah…” she answers. “Like the one Supergirl and Superman used to live on.”

“Exactly.”

“Can your telescope see any of them?”

The astronomer gives her a sad smile, shakes his head.

“Not yet, but I’m working on it.” He says. “Someday.”

“Well, good luck.” Kara answers, knowing that whatever answers she was looking for regarding those planets would have to wait until she got a way to travel into deep space herself. Maybe she could borrow Brainy’s Legion cruiser, now that she knows he has his own- or maybe they could go together, her and Brainy, and J’onn- and Alex too of course, and Nia. Her whole team of super-friends, traveling through galaxies, getting to see the worlds they saved.

From that perspective, it did sound like a miracle, instead of the tragedy that still sometimes consumes her nightmares.

She’s so lost in thought, considering it, that she misses the astronomer’s next question.

“What did you say?”

“Do you want me to show you something I found?” he asks. “You’d be surprised what this thing sees.”

Kara nods, and he moves the telescope until he finds it- one specific comet, orbiting the Sun.

“That’s so cool.” She says, taking a look at it herself, first through the telescope and then displayed as a still image on the screen.

“Yeah.” He answers. “It’s… well, after coming up with all of this, it’s my new pride and joy. I even got to name it.”

“Really?”

The astronomer nods.

“It’s true. I, um… I decided to call it Kara- after a friend of mine, who encouraged me in all of this back when we were in high school together. She was the strongest girl I knew- and I couldn’t think of any better way to thank her. Not sure where she ended up, but… if I ever meet her again, I want to show this to her, and tell her how much that meant to me.”

You already did, Kara thinks.

“That’s… great.” She says. “Seriously, congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

Kara adjusts her glasses, before moving forward.

“Sorry, I’m- I was rude, I just… realized I forgot to ask you what your name is.”

“No problem at all.” He answers. “Kenny Li.”

I knew it.

She might not have known for certain at the beginning, but… this was definitely him. Had he never been dead, in a post-Crisis world? Or was this a version from another universe?

Would she have to ask J’onn to give him his memories back, show him what had happened to himself on her Earth? Could she do that to him, seeing him so happy, and proud of his accomplishments?

In any case, she hadn’t seen him in over twelve years, and certainly wasn’t familiar with this adult version of him, so for now she was going to move forward slowly.

“What’s your name?”

She almost doesn’t want to say. She considers giving him Linda Lee, the name Red Daughter used… but in the end, she wants to be honest with him, in a world where she gets a second chance to be.

“Kara.” She finally answers, looking around before taking off her glasses, watching his face light up. “Kara Danvers.”

“Oh my god.” He says. “The Kara Danvers? From Midvale?”

“The one and only.” She answers, and he hugs her, just for a moment.

“Sorry.” He says afterward, regaining his composure. “It’s not every day that…”

“You get to see an old friend, after years apart?” Kara finishes. “I feel the same way. It’s really nice to see you again.”

“Likewise.” Kenny says, hands in the pockets of his jacket, before pressing something into her hand. “I have a business card. If you wanted to talk, maybe catch up when you have the time-“

“I would love that.” Kara answers, accepting the card. “Thank you.”

“Thank you, Kara Danvers.” He tells her, as she puts her glasses back on, professionalism returning before he puts up a sign telling people he’s on a break. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too, Kenny Li.”

She realized, as she walked away, that she hadn't really gotten an in-depth look at the stars, or the specifics of how they had changed. But as much as she had wanted to know those things, and got to know them when she was younger, there were other ways she could discover them, and after this certainly other opportunities to explore such changes. What she'd gotten today was something she hadn't even considered, another positive change in addition to those that her friends had already identified, and even experienced for themselves in the month since the Crisis had ended.

And that, for the moment, might have been worth more than any changing pattern in the stars.

"Alex?" Kara asked once she'd left the museum, over the phone. "You're never going to guess who I ran into today..."

~

Kara was familiar with the meaning of “star-crossed”. She’d first encountered the phrase in ninth grade English class, and earned some odd looks when she pointed out that stars couldn’t literally cross- but she’d excused herself, saying that that was theoretical, and Alex had called her a nerd. She later learned that it was a mere metaphor, and had nothing to do with real stars, that it meant fate had doomed whoever was unlucky enough to have that title, and it was most often associated with lovers.

For a long time, Kara thought her own life was star-crossed- that she was fated to lose her planet, lose her opportunity to pass the knowledge of her home to her cousin and raise him as the last son of Krypton he ought to be. Fated to become trapped in an endless, lonely void forever, until she was pulled free with the sins of her mother’s past. Fated to lose many others- from both of her best friends to, for a moment, her cousin and the love of his life, as well as her mother and the part of Krypton that she’d just gotten back. Fated to lose someone she cared about and had come to love, when she’d grown up hating his people, in a way similar to how she had been lost.

(That one especially hurt, months later, when she’d come across his copy of Romeo and Juliet, meaning he too was familiar with the concept… yet he had only highlighted parts that he’d read while thinking of her)

Fated, ten years before- before solving a mystery that had led her and Alex to becoming a truly united pair, to really feeling like sisters after a few years of being awkward around each other at best and loathing each other at worst- to lose her first real friend, the keeper of secrets who hadn’t even realized how much keeping such a secret meant to her.

It was only fitting, then, that Kara and Kenny were brought back together by the stars themselves, and this time, they were aligned in their favor.

[theangelofvengeance]

Fox McCloud Injustice 2 Intros

If Fox McCloud was a special guest fighter for Injustice 2, this is what his intros to each fighter would look like:

(Aquaman)

Aquaman: Not smart challenging an Atlantean. Fox McCloud: What can I say? I dig a challenge. Aquaman: Let's see if you're ready. Aquaman: You're in a fight you don't understand. Fox McCloud: I'm always ready no matter what the risk is. Aquaman: Allow me to welcome you properly! Fox McCloud: Why did you side with Superman? Aquaman: I won't be judged for defending Atlantis! Fox McCloud: Either way, you'll answer for your crimes. Fox McCloud: So this is Aquaman. Aquaman: At your service. Fox McCloud: Been kissing Superman's butt lately?

(Atrocitus) Atrocitus: Unleash your anger! Fox McCloud: I will if you keep ticking me off. Atrocitus: I was hoping you'd say that. Atrocitus: The pain of loss burns you. Fox McCloud: At least my father's death gave me purpose. Atrocitus: Like so many children... ungrateful! Fox McCloud: Well, somebody's a bit moody. Atrocitus: Be silent, boy! Fox McCloud: Let's see if I can cheer you up. Fox McCloud: Can't you talk about something besides rage? Atrocitus: You don't command me, rodent! Fox McCloud: A simple "No" would've been fine, Atrocitus!

(Atom) Atom: An anthropomorphic fox? Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, Leader of StarFox. Atom: I can tell this will be mighty interesting. Atom: What could be more fun than studying physics? Fox McCloud: Don't really get your question, Atom. Atom: Let me show you what I mean. Fox McCloud: Whoa, how did you do that? Atom: Just a Ph.D with a quantum biobelt! Fox McCloud: Slippy would kill for gadgets like yours. Fox McCloud: I bet it wasn't wise to fight me. Atom: Are you saying this is going to hurt? Fox McCloud: Only if you want me to, Atom.

(Batman) Batman: It's not too late to walk away. Fox McCloud: I'm always ready, no matter what the risk is. Batman: We'll see. Batman: I'll give you something to fear. Fox McCloud: What is left to fear for me, Batman? Batman: You're about to find out. Fox McCloud: The legendary Dark Knight. Batman: I need to know what you can do. Fox McCloud: Proving people wrong is what I do. Fox McCloud: Ever seen the way I can fight? Batman: I doubt it can surprise me. Fox McCloud: Proving people wrong is what I do.

(Bane) Bane: The Leader of Star Fox. Fox McCloud: Ah, and you must be a janitor. Bane: Fine. Joke before you die. Bane: Do not trifle with me. Fox McCloud: I will if you keep ticking me off. Bane: You will make a mighty fine rug, McCloud. Fox McCloud: Shouldn't you be in a wrestling ring? Bane: You are very funny. Fox McCloud: You're going down 1-2-3, Bane. Fox McCloud: Can't understand the tubes around you. Bane: My venom will be the least of your worries. Fox McCloud: Just don't get it around me.

(Black Adam) Black Adam: Leader of Star Fox. Fox McCloud: And you must be a discount Superman. Black Adam: On his behalf, I will kill you. Black Adam: I'll lead the new Regime. Fox McCloud: Get this straight: We don't want you! Black Adam: Then dethrone me if you can. Fox McCloud: Your tyranny is unforgivable! Black Adam: My rule is strict but fair. Fox McCloud: Your wife wouldn't think so. Fox McCloud: How can you hurt so many people? Black Adam: They brought it out on themselves! Fox McCloud: You're as heartless as Andross is!

(Black Canary) Black Canary: It's a look, I'll give you that. Fox McCloud: A pilot like me is always suited for battle. Black Canary: You don't say. Black Canary: Anything you wanna discuss? Fox McCloud: You sure it's wise to fight in ladies' shoes? Black Canary: Now you're really gonna get hurt. Fox McCloud: May I have this dance, malady? Black Canary: Ladies first. How polite. Fox McCloud: Yeah, Krystal seems to think so. Fox McCloud: You'd be a great member of Star Fox. Black Canary: I can't take breathing in space. Fox McCloud: Not too late to try, Miss Canary.

(Black Lightning) Black Lightning: Space pilot, huh? Fox McCloud: I'm one of the best, Black Lightning. Black Lightning: Think you can handle a few volts? Black Lightning: So you're a fellow Social Justice Warrior? Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Black Lightning: Class is now in session. Fox McCloud: I bet it wasn't wise fighting me. Black Lightning: Black Lightning's not one to back down. Fox McCloud: Nor will I, Black Lightning. Fox McCloud: Wait, you draw Lightning too? Black Lightning: I've seen you met Black Adam. Fox McCloud: Like I haven't suffered enough sparks...

(Black Manta) Black Manta: I'll gut you like a fish. Fox McCloud: That blade ain't touching me. EVER. Black Manta: You'll take that pride to the grave. Black Manta: Catching you was easy. Fox McCloud: Too bad killing me won't be possible, Manta. Black Manta: That's about to be confirmed. Fox McCloud: You have quite a weird shaped head. Black Manta: This helmet is my life's work. Fox McCloud: Let's see how far I can throw it. Fox McCloud: You're lucky my crew ain't here. Black Manta: Why the hell should I know, McCloud? Fox McCloud: Because they might have to hold you down, Manta.

(Blue Beetle) Blue Beetle: Is this necessary? Fox McCloud: Batman did send me here, so... Blue Beetle: Guess that means I gotta win. Blue Beetle: Wow. Meeting you is so cool. Fox McCloud: Nice to see you're a fan of me. Blue Beetle: Mind if we get a picture after? Fox McCloud: Interesting outfit you got. Blue Beetle: With a war machine on my spine. Fox McCloud: You mean that big bug on your back? Fox McCloud: You'd be a great member of Star Fox. Blue Beetle: You really think so? Fox McCloud: Let's see if you can fly with the best.

(Brainiac) Brainiac: It is better to be collected than killed. Fox McCloud: Corneria will never be yours, Brainiac! Brainiac: That's soon to be true, McCloud. Brainiac: Facing me is a fatal error. Fox McCloud: I'm always ready, no matter what the risk is. Brainiac: Your defeat will be painful. Fox McCloud: Keep your tentacles away from me. Brainiac: Then surrender planet Corneria now. Fox McCloud: I won't let you have it, Brain-dead. Fox McCloud: You're sending me back home. Brainiac: Who are you to command me? Fox McCloud: Don't make me say it louder, Brainiac!

(Captain Cold) Captain Cold: You would've made a badass Rogue. Fox McCloud: Like I'll be a criminal with the likes of you. Captain Cold: Then get ready to be hibernated. Captain Cold: Frost warning. Fox McCloud: If I can handle the cold, I can handle you. Captain Cold: Well that changes everything. Fox McCloud: You brought a weapon to a fist fight? Captain Cold: This gun can stop the Flash. Fox McCloud: I doubt that can hurt me, Frosty. Fox McCloud: How can you hurt so many people? Captain Cold: I take what's mine and I don't apologize. Fox McCloud: Then I won't feel sorry kicking your butt.

(Catwoman) Catwoman: Think you can handle a few scars? Fox McCloud: I'm always ready, no matter what the risk is. Catwoman: Let me give you a dose of reality. Catwoman: Cats beat foxes every time. Fox McCloud: Won't be true until you beat me, Catwoman. Catwoman: Well, if that's how you wanna play this... Fox McCloud: I heard you were with the Regime. Catwoman: Everyone deserves a second chance. Fox McCloud: Sure, I'll believe it when I see it. Fox McCloud: This must be Selina Kyle. Catwoman: Fancy meeting you here, darling. Fox McCloud: Let's see you give Katt a run for her money.

(Cheetah) Cheetah: The most dangerous game of all. Fox McCloud: One that you aint never gonna win. Cheetah: I need only my claws. Cheetah: Mmmmm, I love your fur. Fox McCloud: I'm harder to skin than to kill, Minerva. Cheetah: Let me welcome you, properly. Fox McCloud: How can you hurt so many people? Cheetah: I will not weep for humanity. Fox McCloud: You're gonna cry regardless, Cheetah. Fox McCloud: You're giving me cat scratch fever already. Cheetah: You won't joke once I have your tongue. Fox McCloud: It'll be just twice as funny.

(Cyborg) Cyborg: Superman wants you gone. Fox McCloud: Why? You kiss Superman's butt with that mouth? Cyborg: That was your last chance! Cyborg: Why have you come here, McCloud? Fox McCloud: I'm stopping your boss one way or another! Cyborg: Not after I bust the hell out of you! Fox McCloud: You must be proud of your little dictator. Cyborg: Because I know we did the right thing. Fox McCloud: Having him murder a kid wasn't! Fox McCloud: I feel sorry for your father. Cyborg: It's because of him I'm like this! Fox McCloud: Maybe because what he did was an accident!

(Darkseid)

Darkseid: Fox McCloud. Fox McCloud: I don't fear you one bit, Darkseid. Darkseid: Your lack of fear displays ignorance, not bravado. Darkseid: Surrender to Darkseid or face death. Fox McCloud: I won't do neither of the kind. Darkseid: I think you're gonna reconsider, fool! Fox McCloud: How can you hurt so many people? Darkseid: I hate all creatures, great and small. Fox McCloud: Either way, you'll answer for your crimes! Fox McCloud: Should've turned back sooner. Darkseid: And why should that worry me? Fox McCloud: You're as heartless as Andross is!

(Deadshot) Deadshot: Found me a nice fox-skinned rug. Fox McCloud: I doubt those bullets will touch me. Deadshot: Ehhh... I'll try anything once. Deadshot: The hero's gig not for amateurs. Fox McCloud: I'm a full-fledged space pilot, Deadshot. Deadshot: Too bad your brain's going out of orbit. Fox McCloud: I'm guessing you're some kind of mercenary. Deadshot: That sounds about right. Fox McCloud: And here I thought Wolf was the worst. Fox McCloud: How could you hurt so many people? Deadshot: I got nothing to live for. Fox McCloud: You can't solve problems with bullets.

(Doctor Fate) Doctor Fate: Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Fox McCloud: You gonna send me back to my universe? Doctor Fate: You are too late. Doctor Fate: The lords know your fate. Fox McCloud: Do I get married to Krystal or what? Doctor Fate: You will fail. Fox McCloud: Never met a fortune teller before. Doctor Fate: I gaze beyond the horizon of time. Fox McCloud: Does it involve me getting a way out of here? Fox McCloud: Batman told me you're Kent Nelson. Doctor Fate: You will speak with Nabu. Fox McCloud: So... you changed your name?

(Enchantress) June Moone: She can smell death on you. Fox McCloud: Obviously you haven't met Andross yet. Enchantress: I'll end you on his behalf, McCloud. June Moone: Please, Fox... get her away from me. Fox McCloud: I'll save you even if I can, June. Enchantress: Try me, Mr. High and Mighty. Fox McCloud: You're lucky my crew ain't here. Enchantress: Are they too scared to face the torment? Fox McCloud: More like they can overcome it, Enchantress. Fox McCloud: The wicked witch of lamedom. Enchantress: Watch your tongue, mortal! Fox McCloud: Like heck I'm gonna do that.

(The Flash) The Flash: You really think you're fast enough? Fox McCloud: Won't know until you fight me, man. The Flash: Allow me to prove you wrong. The Flash: I'm the fastest man alive. Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. The Flash: Allow me to prove you wrong. Fox McCloud: You must be the scarlet speedster. The Flash: Yeah, it's kinda my thing. Fox McCloud: Think you can beat the speed of my Arwing? Fox McCloud: I heard you were with the Regime. The Flash: Yeah, I got a lot to regret. Fox McCloud: Let's see if you can be trusted, Flash.

(Bizarro) Bizarro: Bizarro hug pet fox! Fox McCloud: Yeah... not gonna happen. Bizarro: Bizarro not like big words. Bizarro: Am you Bizarro's friend? Fox McCloud: I got no idea how to respond to that one. Bizarro: Me love friends. Fox McCloud: You Lex Luthor's kid? Bizarro: Me father's only child. Fox McCloud: Summed that up to a T, Bizarro. Fox McCloud: I can't understand what's with you. Bizarro: Me fight for lies, injustice, a-merry-can way! Fox McCloud: Yep. Definitely landed in the wrong Earth.

(Firestorm) Firestorm: Where you from again? Fox McCloud: From Planet Corneria. Why you ask? Firestorm: Wanna know where I'm kicking your ass to. Firestorm: No way you can handle these flames, Fox. Fox McCloud: I'm always ready, no matter what the risk is. Firestorm: Prepare to get burned. Fox McCloud: Not really a big fan of fire. Firestorm: Afraid you'll get burned? Fox McCloud: I don't like my tail getting singed. Fox McCloud: I bet it wasn't wise fighting me. Firestorm: I'm ready to fight with fire. Fox McCloud: Don't cry when you get burned.

(Gorilla Grodd) Gorilla Grodd: Your talents could be useful. Fox McCloud: I rather be sucked through a black hole than join you. Gorilla Grodd: If you're not with me, you're dead. Gorilla Grodd: There's a place for you in the Society. Fox McCloud: Says pretty much a second-rate Andross. Gorilla Grodd: I'll roast you through an open flame, McCloud. Fox McCloud: How could you hurt so many people? Gorilla Grodd: Ending humanity is a kindness! Fox McCloud: You're as heartless as Andross is! Fox McCloud: You're lucky my crew ain't here. Gorilla Grodd: Why does that matter, McCloud? Fox McCloud: Otherwise you're getting flinged like number 2.

(Green Arrow) Green Arrow: What earth they snatch you from? Fox McCloud: From Planet Corneria. Why you ask? Green Arrow: Never exactly heard of it. Green Arrow: Well, this is gonna be good. Fox McCloud: Yep, only for me that is. Green Arrow: Geez, spoiler alert... Fox McCloud: How good are you with those arrows? Green Arrow: I know where to place my shots. Fox McCloud: Then be prepared to miss, Arrow. Fox McCloud: You'd be a great member of Star Fox. Green Arrow: I'm not stepping in the middle of that. Fox McCloud: You're right. You wouldn't handle motion sickness.

(Green Lantern) Green Lantern: Always nice to meet a fellow pilot. Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Green Lantern: Okay, now it's a contest. Green Lantern: I'll say it... this is awkward. Fox McCloud: Scared I'm gonna kick your butt, Lantern? Green Lantern: Like I'm gonna be frightened by some fox! Fox McCloud: Nice glow-in-the-dark wedding ring. Green Lantern: That's none of your damn business. Fox McCloud: I definitely know what I'm getting Krystal now. Fox McCloud: I heard you were with the Regime. Green Lantern: We've all made mistakes. Fox McCloud: Sure, I'll believe it when I see it.

(Grid) Grid: I can sense your hostility towards me. Fox McCloud: You're a threat to this entire world itself. Grid: The last threat you'll ever see, Fox McCloud. Grid: Why assume you fight me, McCloud? Fox McCloud: Because I've got you on my trail, Grid. Grid: No matter. The trail ends here. Fox McCloud: How could you hurt so many people? Grid: In destroying you, perhaps I will gain emotion. Fox McCloud: Honestly, you're depressing me now. Fox McCloud: You Cyborg's brother? Grid: I am Grid. The last being you will ever see. Fox McCloud: Ah, so it's a 'maybe' then.

(Harley Quinn) Harley Quinn: Aw, aren't you cute. Fox McCloud: Let me guess, was it the way that I look? Harley Quinn: That's the idea, doll. Harley Quinn: You and me? We're going. Fox McCloud: Well, yeah. That's the point, Miss Quinn. Harley Quinn: I'll show you the ropes! Fox McCloud: I bet it wasn't wise fighting me. Harley Quinn: How about slaps and tickles at ten paces? Fox McCloud: Hate to see which one hurts the worse. Fox McCloud: I can't understand what's with you. Harley Quinn: I collect toenail clippings! Fox McCloud: Ugh, didn't need to know that.

(Fox McCloud) Fox McCloud (1): Haha, very funny costume, Falco. Fox McCloud (2): I'm the real Fox McCloud. Not a faker. Fox McCloud (1): Sure, I'll believe it when I see it. Fox McCloud (1): How in the heck are we the same? Fox McCloud (2): Maybe we're cloned and didn't know about it. Fox McCloud (1): No way you're replacing me. Fox McCloud (1): Is this me from this world? Fox McCloud (2): Yeah, except Superman's more evil than Andross. Fox McCloud (1): Yep. Definitely landed in the wrong Earth.

(Donatello) Donatello: I've already figured this fight out. Fox McCloud: Me standing over you in victory? Donatello: Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Donatello: Name's Donatello. Who are you? Fox McCloud: The Name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Donatello: Totally need to know who that is. Fox McCloud: This'll be over before it begins. Donatello: Good luck proving that theory. Fox McCloud: Proving people wrong is what I do. Fox McCloud: This must be one of the Ninja Turtles. Donatello: And I see you're from this Star Fox group. Fox McCloud: Yep, you'll see why I am, Donatello.

(Hellboy) Hellboy: So where in the hell are you from? Fox McCloud: From Planet Corneria. Why you ask? Hellboy: That some sort of theme park or somethin'? Hellboy: Not used to fighting woodland critters. Fox McCloud: Except one that'll kick your butt? Hellboy: Well, in that case, let's do this. Fox McCloud: I don't think I've seen you before. Hellboy: The name's Hellboy, dumbass. Fox McCloud: Quite the friendly one you are. Fox McCloud: You'd be a great member of Star Fox. Hellboy: I don't think my fist can fit in the arwing. Fox McCloud: Can't hurt to try, Hellboy.

(Jay Garrick) Jay Garrick: I don't see how you plan to win. Fox McCloud: Pure speed and reflexes as always. Jay Garrick: Let me show you what the JSA can do! Jay Garrick: Can't say I never met a fox like you. Fox McCloud: I'm way more than an fox than you'll ever see. Jay Garrick: Let me show you what the JSA can do! Fox McCloud: What's with all the speedfreaks I keep meeting? Jay Garrick: This 'speedfreak' is an original, chum. Fox McCloud: Think you can beat the speed of my arwing? Fox McCloud: Should've turned back sooner. Jay Garrick: Not while I have breath on these lungs. Fox McCloud: Now that's the Star Fox spirit there!

(John Stewart) John Stewart: Think you can beat a Lantern? Fox McCloud: Both in the ground and air, Lantern. John Stewart: We'll see about that, McCloud. John Stewart: This must be the Fox McCloud I've been hearing. Fox McCloud: Hal told me you're some kind of marine. John Stewart: Today I'm your drill instructor. Fox McCloud: You're green like that other guy? John Stewart: We're part of the Green Lantern Corps, McCloud. Fox McCloud: Weird looking club you got. Fox McCloud: I bet it wasn't wise fighting me. John Stewart: A soldier does what it takes. Fox McCloud: Now that's the Star Fox spirit there!

(The Joker) The Joker: Here's a news flash: Life is a meaningless joke. Fox McCloud: Too bad you don't give them enough, Joker. The Joker: Like it matters... The Joker: You're such a cute little fox. Fox McCloud: You're looking to skin me or something? The Joker: My knife's plenty sharp enough! Fox McCloud: Is killing Metropolis what you did "fun"? The Joker: Gotta do something to amuse me, you know? Fox McCloud: You're as heartless as Andross is! Fox McCloud: Batman's told me all about you, Joker. The Joker: They call me an influencer, an icon! Fox McCloud: How about criminally sick instead?

(Leonardo) Leonardo: You got cajones taking me on, McCloud. Fox McCloud: I'm always ready, no matter what the risk is. Leonardo: Ready for a lesson in turtle power? Leonardo: You got nothing on a Ninja Turtle. Fox McCloud: And you ain't got nothing on Star Fox. Leonardo: I admit, you got me there. Fox McCloud: This must be one of the Ninja Turtles. Leonardo: And you must be Fox McCloud. Fox McCloud: Let's see if you can fly with the best. Fox McCloud: This'll be over before it begins. Leonardo: It's nothing a Ninja Turtle can't handle! Fox McCloud: Now that's the Star Fox spirit there!

(Michelangelo) Michelangelo: This is gonna be totally wicked. Fox McCloud: I doubt you can beat me with that shell. Michelangelo: Only if you got cheat codes, dude. Michelangelo: Let's skip this, I'm starving. Fox McCloud: Only when the fight's over, Michelangelo. Michelangelo: Almost got away with that one. Fox McCloud: This must be one of the Ninja Turtles. Michelangelo: I'll show you why I am, Fox. Fox McCloud: Now that's the Star Fox spirit there! Fox McCloud: Should've turned back sooner. Michelangelo: Seems like a really bad idea, bro. Fox McCloud: Then I won't feel sorry kicking your butt.

(Mr. Freeze) Mr. Freeze: You are a rare specimen. Fox McCloud: Why on earth would you ask me that, Freeze? Mr. Freeze: I would gladly trade your life for Nora's. Mr. Freeze: My gun will freeze you in your tracks. Fox McCloud: If I can handle the cold, I can handle you. Mr. Freeze: That assumption is flawed. Fox McCloud: You're coming with me, Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze: Hell would freeze over first. Fox McCloud: Sounds like a good idea, cueball. Fox McCloud: How could you hurt so many people? Mr. Freeze: I'm a scientist, not a psychopath! Fox McCloud: Either way, you'll answer for your crimes!

(Poison Ivy) Poison Ivy: You're an abomination. Fox McCloud: You're a threat to this entire world itself. Poison Ivy: That's not what the plants tell me. Poison Ivy: One kiss for luck? Fox McCloud: Sorry, that's Krystal's job, Ivy. Poison Ivy: She won't notice. Fox McCloud: You're a disgrace to mother nature. Poison Ivy: I would die for the green. Fox McCloud: Please, even THEY don't want you. Fox McCloud: You really are that beautiful. Poison Ivy: Really? And what do you see? Fox McCloud: Back at Arkham where you belong.

(Power Girl) Power Girl: I don't believe we've met. Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Power Girl: Let me show you what I'm made of. Power Girl: I'm not comfortable fighting pets. Fox McCloud: I'll show you I'm no 'pet', Power Girl. Power Girl: Sure, that's one way of putting it. Fox McCloud: You'd be a great member of Star Fox. Power Girl: I'm perfectly fine flying without a plane. Fox McCloud: Hope you can handle the pressure. Fox McCloud: I'll bet it wasn't wise fighting me. Power Girl: You can't handle this much woman! Fox McCloud: Trust me, you should meet Krystal.

(Raiden) Raiden: Will you aid in this realm's protection? Fox McCloud: I'm always ready, no matter what the risk is. Raiden: Then show me your skills, Fox McCloud. Raiden: I am Raiden, God of Thunder. Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Raiden: We must prepare ourselves in Kombat. Fox McCloud: Whoa. Who must this be? Raiden: You speak with Raiden, protector of Earthrealm. Fox McCloud: That's one heck of a catchy title. Fox McCloud: Why are we meeting here, Raiden? Raiden: You would need allies in the coming war. Fox McCloud: Good thing I got Star Fox with me then.

(Raphael) Raphael: Ever tried a smackdown by Raphael? Fox McCloud: Please, even Falco would beat ya. Raphael: Prove it, fool. Raphael: You're going to Beatdown City. Fox McCloud: Heh, good luck taking me there. Raphael: Only because you wanted to, Fox. Fox McCloud: I can't understand what's with you. Raphael: I run a delivery service... for pain! Fox McCloud: Can't imagine what that feels like. Fox McCloud: This must be one of the Ninja Turtles. Raphael: I'm the toughest one of the bunch. Fox McCloud: Now that's the Star Fox spirit there!

(Red Hood) Red Hood: I'm not with the Regime. Fox McCloud: Well, if you say so then... Red Hood: Please, you act like I'm lying, McCloud! Red Hood: Call me the Red Hood. Fox McCloud: You sure you're the one with a sock on his head? Red Hood: You know what? Just call me Jason. Fox McCloud: I can't understand what's with you. Red Hood: I'm the cure for a sick, sad world. Fox McCloud: You can't solve problems with bullets. Fox McCloud: Like the beanie mask you got there. Red Hood: Glad to know you approve, McCloud. Fox McCloud: Too bad your kind of justice says otherwise.

(Reverse Flash) Reverse Flash: Exactly what is your plan here? Fox McCloud: I'm here to end this nightmare you caused! Reverse Flash: Which is why you're dead fox meat! Reverse Flash: Who the hell are you supposed to be? Fox McCloud: The name's Fox McCloud, leader of Star Fox. Reverse Flash: To me, you're another victim! Fox McCloud: You're lucky my crew ain't here. Reverse Flash: They still won't catch me, McCloud. Fox McCloud: Care to reconsider that, Mr. Thawne? Fox McCloud: Reverse Flash, huh? Reverse Flash: Finally, someone with backbone. Fox McCloud: It's too bad you don't have one.

(Robin) Robin: You could've been part of the solution. Fox McCloud: Why? You still kiss Superman's butt with that mouth? Robin: You're headed for the cemetery! Robin: Got a problem? Fox McCloud: Listening to butthurt crybabies like you. Robin: You have poor taste in heroes. Fox McCloud: I feel sorry for your father. Robin: Because he was spectacularly wrong! Fox McCloud: So was killing Batman's adopted son. Fox McCloud: You remind me a bit like Falco. Robin: Huh... what would that be? Fox McCloud: He's less arrogant unlike you.

(Scarecrow) Scarecrow: Do you fear death? Fox McCloud: Not now. Not ever. Scarecrow: Too bad your father did. Scarecrow: Your precious Krystal looks lovely... Fox McCloud: You better not lay a hand on her or else! Scarecrow: Heh... what if I did? Fox McCloud: You'll pay for insulting my father. Scarecrow: Oooh, I'm shaking in my boots. Fox McCloud: Oh, you'll shake. But you won't like it. Fox McCloud: I'm not sure if I wanna be here. Scarecrow: Welcome to your nightmare. Fox McCloud: I think I'm not gonna like it.

(Starfire) Starfire: Every battle is an adventure. Fox McCloud: Good thing I live for the adventure. Starfire: I'll honor you with my skills, McCloud. Starfire: How do you cope with darkness? Fox McCloud: A pilot like me doesn't fear nothing. Starfire: Grayson would have liked you. Fox McCloud: This'll be over before it begins. Starfire: How do I know you're a worthy warrior? Fox McCloud: You should've saw me beat Andross. Fox McCloud: You really are that beautiful. Starfire: I'm glad you appreciate my beauty. Fox McCloud: I'll try not to mess you up too bad.

(Sub-Zero) Sub-Zero: You may retreat with no dishonor. Fox McCloud: If I can handle the cold, I can handle you. Sub-Zero: I respect your bravery. Sub-Zero: A grandmaster's respect must be earned. Fox McCloud: Good thing our crew fights for respect. Sub-Zero: Then show me why, Fox McCloud. Fox McCloud: Why in the heck are we here? Sub-Zero: Only bloodshed will save this realm. Fox McCloud: Can't imagine what that feels like. Fox McCloud: Whoa. Who must this be? Sub-Zero: I am Sub-Zero, grandmaster of the Lin Kuei. Fox McCloud: For once, I thought someone turned on the AC.

(Supergirl) Supergirl: I mean you no harm. Fox McCloud: Than how come your cousin harms innocents? Supergirl: Kal didn't set the best example. Supergirl: Don't ask me to go easy on you. Fox McCloud: Good thing I didn't ask, Supergirl. Supergirl: Don't say I warned you, Fox. Fox McCloud: Superman's not who you think. Supergirl: There's still good in him. Fox McCloud: Is being a dictator considered good? Fox McCloud: You must be proud of your little dictator. Supergirl: Kal can still change his ways, McCloud. Fox McCloud: That's no excuse for what he's done.

(Superman) Superman: You're leaving Earth. Now! Fox McCloud: I'll leave after you're locked up for good, Superman. Superman: You can try. Superman: Why are you on my Earth? Fox McCloud: I'm here to end this nightmare you caused! Superman: Paranoid as ever, Fox. Fox McCloud: You are no hero. Superman: And what do you think I am? Fox McCloud: You're as heartless as Andross is! Fox McCloud: You poisoned this world long enough. Superman: Without me, they'd be dead, McCloud! Fox McCloud: Maybe because they were dead by your rule!

(Swamp Thing) Swamp Thing: Why have you come here? Fox McCloud: Brainiac sucked me up to this universe. Swamp Thing: Of course you would say that. Swamp Thing: Fox McCloud. Fox McCloud: You must be the guy in the vegetable bags, right? Swamp Thing: I doubt that to be true. Fox McCloud: You some sort of human tree? Swamp Thing: Disturb me at your own risk. Fox McCloud: Didn't know that would offend you. Fox McCloud: I'll be fun chopping you down. Swamp Thing: Don't mock the green, Fox McCloud. Fox McCloud: Send them my regards then.

(Vixen) Vixen: This must be the leader of Star Fox. Fox McCloud: And I assume you must be Vixen. Vixen: Intro's complete. Let's go. Vixen: Are you ready for your turn on the runway? Fox McCloud: Not sure I fit the "model" type. Vixen: There's a first time for everything, Fox. Fox McCloud: Did Batman send you here to train me? Vixen: I was gonna ask you the same question. Fox McCloud: Then let's see who's faster, Vixen. Fox McCloud: You'd be a great member of Star Fox. Vixen: Air's not really my strong suit, Fox. Fox McCloud: You're right, you wouldn't handle motion sickness.

(Wonder Woman) Wonder Woman: Drop the gun or I'll take your hand. Fox McCloud: Drop your sword and shield and I might consider it! Wonder Woman: That's not an option. Wonder Woman: You're standing down, Fox McCloud. Fox McCloud: Sorry, I don't take orders from murderers. Wonder Woman: You'll learn to see it our way. Fox McCloud: You must be proud of your little dictator. Wonder Woman: Which is why I'll restore the Regime! Fox McCloud: You're as heartless as Andross is! Fox McCloud: It's a shame you ended up this way. Wonder Woman: Just why is that, Fox? Fox McCloud: Because nobody trusts murderers like you.

So what does everybody think? Which one was your favorite quote? Let me know. Until then, peace!

[doylewesleywalls]

Not one of us--including me, including you--is above criticism. Dr. Fauci understands this; while this concept may be news to many in our culture, it's not news to him; if you were to see me speak my first sentence above directly to Dr. Fauci, his response would surely be something like this: "But, of course!" Dr. Fauci did not hold his distinguished position among his peers or in the American government--for decades--because he threw away his self-respect and kissed the ass of a moron in power to get a job overnight the way so many transactional brownnosers in Trump's orbit did and continue to do. He earned his position through academic study and practical work in the field. I'm still stunned by those members of the MAGA crowd who not only attempt to smear his reputation but also say they want to abuse him physically as well as his family members. There's a huge, dangerous dumb-as-dirt strain in our culture that wants to throw a baby-fit because doctors don't know "everything" and haven't found the "one panacea" that would solve "all" problems or, get this, don't understand that doctors sometimes have to call an audible at the line of scrimmage because things changed on the field--the opponent has thrown something new at us--and the best course of action appears now to be something other than the play they called in the huddle just seconds ago. Jesus! Grow up, people. There will never come a day when I bet my health on the great unwashed whose eyes glazed over in high school science classes instead of the people who did all the homework through graduate work and then had many years of experience in the field of medicine. That's a no-brainer. Trump helped kill many with his idiotic blather from the podium early in the pandemic. Why would a person stand in that spot with the world listening and watching and throw out wild speculations to an anxious nation about bleach and shining a light into the body? Why would a person with even an average intelligence and an average amount of emotional maturity ridicule wearing a mask and practicing social distancing at the very beginning of the spread of COVID? One might as well ask why someone with an emotional level that could only rate as "big baby" on the scale try to project himself as macho, desire to wear a Superman t-shirt after leaving the hospital where doctors kept him alive, not his own will to power. Thank you, Dr. Fauci, for being an honest workman, for trying to do good for others. Your work saved many lives, as you well know.

[dapperkobold]

Dune: Philosophy and Investment

Frank Herbert’s Dune is a good book, make no mistake. I read it once in high school, recognized it was a good book, and promptly never really thought about it again because I didn’t like it. I didn’t really know why, I just thought it wasn’t for me. While I still maintain that point of view I now have several years, more education, a lot more reviews read and watched, and I can now say that not only is Dune not for me but I actively dislike it, and I actually have come to understand why.

This is not a review of Dune. That would be pretty pointless, it’s a good book. Instead, this is my take on why it rubs, me, personally, the wrong way.

First off, I would like to say that this is about Dune, the novel. NOT the series. I’ve only read Dune, the novel, and none of the rest of the series. For all I know my musings here are addressed later on, as Herbert refined his writing style, setting, and story, but this isn’t about those, I don’t know things about those, this is about Dune the novel, the first in the series.

Now, Dune is (as we have agreed) a good book, touching on heavy themes like religion, leadership, loyalty, nobility, honor in bloodlust, politics, ethical vs unethical practices in positions of power, addiction on a societal level, the real basis of civilization, and a ton of other high-falootin’ stuff I’d need at least two degrees to speak on with any amount of authority. It’s a Messiah story that touches on religion and political intrigue from multiple angles. My problem with it, in a nutshell, is that that is ALL it is.

Usually a remark like that is pointed in the opposite direction, toward a lack of philosophical basis. For instance, Batman V Superman is a superhero movie that borrows a lot of plot beats and a lot of the aesthetic from a philosophically-charged comic series, The Dark Knight Returns, but that’s all it is. It doesn’t really have a solid philosophical basis or underpinning to it, much less the context that The Dark Knight Returns did. Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War 3 is a RTS game set in the Warhammer 40k setting centered around a conflict involving the (arguably) three most iconic factions of the franchise, but that’s all it is. It doesn’t really have even the basic philosophical traction that Dawn of War 2 did.

But in this case, there’s the opposite problem: Dune has those philosophical notes, and fairly complex ones, but it never takes a minute to step back from them. It’s a story about nobles, royalty, the wealthy, leaders, participants in an ancient conspiracy, and a group of warrior-nomads. Know what it isn’t about? Normal people. Normal people do not have anything to do with this book. The only time I remember normal people being in the book at all is when some of the fancy high-and-important characters looked down at them next to a line of fig trees. And they DISCUSSED the fig trees.

Now, I don’t expect a little person to be important in the story, but the fact that the story is so far away from the common person does damage my immersion and my investment. The book has an in-depth setting, no doubt, but it less feels like a real setting and more like a setting built to facilitate the specific story being told. It’s not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn’t seem to have much of a grounding in reality, giving the entire story an almost fairy tale like feel.

Now, I will not say it’s a bad setting. Maybe parts of it are not well thought out, but the setting itself is fine. However, it’s also very alien. It’s very different from the ‘western’ society I’m familiar with, which should be fine, because there’s still the universal human experience to lean on, but Dune doesn’t. There are certain things that could, like the loss of a loved one, but are not presented in that way. It doesn’t help that a sizable part of both the setting and book (including the main character) are people who fundamentally do NOT see the world in the same way as normal human people, making it just a little harder to get into all their heads and understand what is going on with them as they have their big conflicts about rulership and loyalty.

Now, I’m not against some philosophy in a work. I appreciate that a solid philosophical grounding can give a story some life and feel it wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s just that it’s possible to also go too far, to embed yourself in the philosophical grounding so strongly that you don’t have any solid connections to real life. I don’t know if maybe wealthy people don’t have this problem, but I don’t relate at all to the Hardazz Kabbapatch that the story orbits around in tidal lock. And without that connection, I’m less invested in the story and more watching, going, “Huh, that sure is some pretty heavy subtext they’re throwing around. Someone could get hurt.”

And other works, even ones that center around protagonists of wealth and standing, don’t seem to have this issue as often. Take, as a fast and messy example, Macbeth. Macbeth touches on themes of fate, decision, guilt, leadership, loyalty, ambition, and more. And in the beginning of act 2, the great bard has seen it prudent to give us... the porter monologue.

In which a porter speculates what it would be like to be at the gates of hell as all kind of sinners, great and meek, roll in while shirking his duties. It both shows a normal person doing normal person things, and reminds the audience of the Danse Macabre, the idea of death as the great equalizer: it doesn’t matter how rich or famous your are, once you’re dead, you’re just as dead as everyone else. It applies a moment of levity and a bit of grounding as the play goes on to be... well, Macbeth.

But maybe this isn’t quite the best example to point out what I mean. Let’s take a look at something else, arguably more different but still pretty heavy with the subtext: Bioshock. Just the original for this discussion, the other games have their place but I’m specifically referring to the original here. Bioshock explores capitalism, governmental control, checks and balances, corruption, blind faith in a philosophical system, how those in power so strongly want to stay in power, free will, the nature of gaming, and how philosophy tends to lose when it gets into a fight with real desires and expectations. It’s really an interesting exploration of Objectiveism as a governmental building block over a individual philosophy.

And in all that, you can find audio logs about people being ticked at each other. Normal people just living their lives, children growing up without ever having seen the sky, people complaining about the logistics of underwater living, interpersonal relationships and civil disobedience. Sure, the main characters in the game are conspirators, thinkers, the wealthy, rulers, but the normal folk are still present. You still have normal people doing normal jobs and facing normal problems. It serves to contextualize the story, and give more life to the setting. This is something I don’t recall from Dune at all. I haven’t read it recently, no, but I haven’t played Bioshock in years, either, and for Bioshock I remember people reacting to small girls going missing, arguing over plasmids that let people look through walls, griping over Rapture’s constant maintenance, and more. In Dune, the only part of normal people I remember is the bit with the fig trees.

Of course, that’s not the only difference between Bioshock and Dune. Having philosophy and grounding is all well and good, but Bioshock has one more thing going for it: YOU CAN WEAPONIZE BEES.

See, I can appreciate a good philosophical basis. Ponderings about the nature of human society, what it means to interfere with things you don’t understand (such as economy, government, or ecology), what it means to better understand things you previously didn’t, the idea that all human organizations will eventually fall, the crawling idea that you’re watching the collapse of society in real time, wondering whether you really have more influence on your own life than people with money and power do, whether altruism is an anomaly brought about by a decadent society or a basic human instinct, the notion of how a single violent event could destroy all of human society forever, the idea that said violent events are (on a galactic scale) not only common but constant.

But I wouldn’t want to read a story in which all that stuff is presented without anything to smile about. Because for all I appreciate an analysis of all governments as ultimately temporary forces I also appreciate space ships, pole arms, axes, shotguns, tanks, motorcycles, knife fights, machines guns, revolvers, hilariously dangerous cute things, fireballs, metahumor, beating people with things not made to be weapons, normal people that turn out surprisingly handy in a fight, bread milk eggs squick jokes, combat tentacles, weaponized bees, actually scary vampires, skeletons, super-tight platonic relationships, flamethrowers, terrifying nature, orbital bombardments, laser versions of other weapons, plasma versions of laser weapons, grenade launchers, gimmick fights, hauntings, long funny lists, artillery, black holes, energy shields, punching philosophers in the face, philosophers punching people in the face, nonsexualized sexy people, crocodiles, dragons, combat robots, lightning, laser eyes, people having to react to sudden sizable unnatural alterations of their body, and lots of other things that are easily (if crudely) classifiable as “awesome.”

And there is a reason that Genre fiction so often sells well, while “literary fiction” is a term a lot of people will have to look up to know what it is. Go ahead, there’s no shame in it.

And Dune does not have a lot of awesome things. Yes, it has some, and what is there is handled pretty well, it’s a good book and it has some good ideas, but it all ultimately isn’t thought out as well as it could be and it serves the philosophical basis of the story. As it should, awesome for awesome’s sake often isn’t a good writing decision. But is IS awesome, and more entertaining than something that is not awesome.

So, Dune is in kind of an awkward place for me: It’s a good book. But it is not a well-grounded book, with a setting I understand and characters I relate to, with entertaining fantastic ideas and touching interpersonal relationships, it’s just a messiah story with a lot of subtext about society and the like. It’s not even a spectacle, so the subtext is pretty plain and sometimes even feels full of itself.

And that just rubs me the wrong way. It’s still a good book, it’s just a good book that annoys me personally.

[tessatechaitea]

Dark Nights: Metal #1

I thought this series was going to be about how the meta gene is tied into Nth metal and not some fifteen year old metal head's idea of a cool black light poster.

Apparently time travel makes you vomit blood.

I thought the page after that scanned page was going to declare the new age was the Age of the Bat. But it didn't. It declared it was the Age of Metal! After reading that, you're supposed to make guitar noises with your mouth and bang your head and throw up some devil horns. You might even fuck a goat, if you're super cool. I'm not sure when the Age of Metal began. There was the Golden Age and the Silver Age and the Modern Age (and maybe some other metallic ages I don't remember). Perhaps the Age of Metal just means the time when superhero comics began? Or did the Age of Metal start when Peter David gave Aquaman long hair and a hook for a hand? Mongul currently has the Justice League battling for their life on his new Warworld. This takes place almost immediately after Mongul was punched into orbit by General Zod, so editorial demanded that Batman mention something about how this makes no sense, continuity-wise. He doesn't say it to help explain it! He just says it because editorial was all, "You know we're going to get buttfucked hard on this by the Fangenders¹, right? You need to get out in front of this shit." And Snyder was all, "Okay, okay. Batman will be all, 'This doesn't make sense!' But then Superman will be all, 'Stop over thinking things, you stupid fucking hypocritical moron living in your parents' basement and not adding any value to anything because all you do is destroy things with your Internet criticisms!'" And the editor was all, "Yeah, maybe that. But tone it the fuck down. You're sounding like Cullen Bunn anonymously defending his shitty Twat Lobo comics on harsh but hilarious blogs offering valid critical reviews." The Justice League's powers have been rendered inert by...well, it doesn't really matter what by. It's the same old shit as usual. The heroes are too powerful so to create dramatic tension, you remove their powers. Snyder does offer a few ways that their powers can be dampened by invoking red sons and vibration domination technology and Gorgon pasties just so the Fangenders can nod enthusiastically and think, "Yep! Yep! They should have seen this coming! This is just like Justice League #45²! Idiots." Of course, those are the powers with fairly easy explanations for how to suppress them. He doesn't explain how he's keeping Cyborg from utilizing his Mother Box technology. Or how Green Lantern's ring isn't working (although, I mean, really? It's probably just out of charge like in 95% of Green Lantern comic books). And how did he stop Aquaman from talking to fish? Oh, you know what. Mongul probably decided Aquaman could keep his stupid power. Oh, just so Scott Snyder doesn't feel like he was being too subtle, I got it. It's the Metal Age and the entire Justice League is being forced to wear armor by Mongul!

Some of it is super sexy titty fucking armor!

Toyman has also been captured by Mongul, probably because Scott Snyder needed enemies that the Justice League could kill without Batman getting on everybody's dick about murder. Toyman tells Mongul the name of the toys that will kill the Justice League is Fulcum Abominus. Mongul pulls out his dick and begins sucking it because he's smarter than me and that apparently means something to him. I shouldn't feel too stupid though because why should I have known what a fulcum is? I've never owned a Warworld and seemed to have missed the adolescent phase where Roman soldiers intrigued me as much as women's nipples. I suppose the name means the Justice League will be battling an abominable shield wall? A close formation made up of Yetis? Or maybe just a few transforming robots.

Judging by Mongul and the crowd's reaction, the Aegea Formation must be where the Justice League creates an illusion that they're running away. Either that or this is Greg Capullo's way of telling Snyder to fuck off because he's going to draw whatever the fuck he wants.

I'm not four years old so the crowd chanting "Do not run! Pain is fun!" doesn't amuse me. It does make me question why I've spent so much of my life reading comic books though. It's at this point during the battle that I need to apologize to Scott Snyder. It's my first apology of the new season but it won't be my last. The problem with writing the critique as I'm experiencing the "art" is that I tend to point out flaws before the artist has a chance to finish. It's like when I'm in the middle of cleaning a floor and somebody thinks they're the next George Burns and says, "You missed a spot!"³ So, um, my apology is that I assumed Snyder couldn't think of ways to dampen the powers of the other Justice League. But he continues explaining how they've all been shut down. Green Lantern's gauntlet has a mini-black hole. And you know what they say about black holes when they're not making anus jokes, right?! Not even Green Lantern light can escape! Plus it's a mini-black hole so don't worry about how heavy and dense it is. Even though it must be even denser than a non-mini black hole if it can still capture light in its gravitational pull. And Aquaman has lost half of his strength to the vambraces made from glass forged in the heat of Apokolips! Each creature in the Fulcum Abominus has been designed to counter one of the Justice League members. So not only do they not have their usual powers, they have to battle creatures that wouldn't care if they had those powers anyway! Wonder Woman can't even outsmart hers because it has a Cassandra Engine! And we all know what that means! Well, most of us do. Those who don't can always watch old reruns of Red Dwarf. I hope the solution to defeating the Fulcum Abominus isn't to switch opponents because that's been done fifteen thousand times. Although it would be more original than just having Batman defeat them all after the rest of the Justice League are incapacitated. That's been done about sixteen thousand times. I can't think of any other way this conflict might end. Maybe it'll have something to do with the metal! Or maybe Toyman will have programmed the Fulcum Abominus to turn on Mongul once he's done sucking his dick. He'll be drained and distracted at that point! Batman comes up with a plan to be eaten by Toyman's machines. He comes up with it the way Dr. House came up with solutions to his medical mysteries. You know how somebody would say just the right word and he'd sort of glaze over into a fugue state for a few seconds before snapping back and yelling, "I am a genius! You people are all idiots! And this show shits on the scientific process to pander to people who believe intuition is some magic panacea that comes out of the ether!" Anyway, Wonder Woman says "Formation" and Batman is all, "That's it! Formation! These machines were formated by Toymanster! If I reach into the gaping maw of this one, I'm sure to find a WayneTech Emergency Shutdown Switch!" Or something. I mean, there is a button in the creature's throat and it does have a bat on it and Batman does push it. But it doesn't shut the thing off at all. It just makes it eat Batman. By pushing the buttons in the throat of the creature (which Batman realized by knowing that the command to form the fulcum formation was done by a cry from the back of the throat (because Batman knows everything (which means Toyman must know everything because you can't give subtle clues to people who know everything if you're a dumbshit like me...I mean Mongul))), the Justice League turn the machines into Voltron armor. This allows them to "form up" like the Roman formation and turn into a giant robot. Batman is the head, of course. Aquaman is the balls.

Is that why Snyder introduced the stupid rhyming chant earlier when it made no sense because the Justice League wasn't running? Just so Batman can act childish now? Eh, works for me! I mean, I'm the guy who chose to write that Aquaman was the giant robot's balls.

Instead of saying "ass" on the next page, Snyder inserts the title page and credits. Apparently the logo for Metal is a Satanic Hexagram. Can hexagrams be Satanic? They made it into a six pointed star but not so that it looks like the Star of David. It's got some bend to it. But the star is enclosed in a circle with symbols at each point. Those symbols are combinations of Justice League symbols and the bat symbol. So Wonder Wobatman and Superbatman and Aquabatman and Black Computer Batman and Green Lanterbatman and the other one. It's totally metal. Also the word metal is textured like the bumper on a pickup truck. Is that metal? I mean, it's metal, literally. But is it metal, 80's figuratively? When the Justice League return to Earth, they find a mountain has appeared in the middle of Gotham. Apparently it didn't kill too many people because the city somehow made room for it. But Batman is still upset by it for some reason. Probably because he's thinking about how he vowed to never let anybody else be crushed by a mountain after his parents were crushed by that mountain in that alley. The Flash finds a door inside the mountain with a pseudo-Challengers of the Unknown symbol on it. It's an hour glass with most of the sand in the bottom half. That's probably not a good sign, right? Inside the door, they find a cryogenic pod with five people inside. I bet one is a white woman, one is a white man with blond hair, one is a white man with brown hair, one is a black man, and one is white man with red hair! Nearby the pod is Red Tornado. They don't seem to recognize him even though earlier somebody mentioned Aquaman's hook hand. If they remember that, they should surely remember Red Tornado! The Blackhawks appear, led by Lady Blackhawk, Kendra Saunders. Get it?! She's still a hawk! Oh, Scott Snyder! You're so fucking clever! I bet Geoff Johns hates the fuck out of you. It always hurts to be usurped. I imagine. Nobody has ever been able to usurp me. Or wanted to? Lady Blackhawk tells everybody that this is the start of an invasion but she can't tell them who is doing the invading. That's called dramatic tension! It's also called bullshit writing. Just fucking say it, you resurrected nutcase! Instead of revealing cool shit, she spends a few pages taking everybody to Blackhawk Island where she has a map of Grant Morrison's Multiversity. She's all, "Nth metal is this thing that's behind all these things. It's such a crazy thing! Hawkman, the most boring hero in the Multiverse after Aquaman, has been studying it his entire lives! Yeah, you heard me right! I said lives! He decided it didn't come from anywhere in the known Multiverse through assumptions and poor science. Unless over the course of all his lives, he had time to use good science? You know what? Who cares? Just believe me when I say it must have come from somewhere else. He didn't know where until he binged Stranger Things last year and Eleven turned over the Dungeons and Dragons map. That's when he was all, 'A-ha! That's the one place on the map I didn't search! The other side of it! The dark side of it! The Dark Multiverse! And now that I've decided that the known Multiverse is much like a two dimensional representation of it, the other side of the map must exist in reality! A Dark Multiverse!'" "I'm not the worst," mumbled Aquaman.

Ha ha! Wanting proof! How silly!

I like how Kendra wanted proof of Carter's theory which caused Carter to want to prove her wrong. What the fuck does that mean?! You don't prove somebody wrong who just wants some evidence that your theory is reality! You just prove your stupid theory. I already hate this new version of Hawkman. Yes, I'm biased because I've hated every version of Hawkman so I didn't have far to go to hate this one. But I hate him more passionately than I ever hated the other ones and I haven't even met this one yet! The other ones I just sort of hated for no real reason. This one is a scientific idiot. Kendra isn't much for science either. She just found the word wagon over and over again because a wagon would carry a dark beast named Barbatos from the Dark Multiverse into the Non-Dark Multiverse. And then she decided that Wagon was the root of the name Wayne (you know, wainwright? Wains! Wagons!) which must mean that the Wagon was Batman and he was the bad guy. That's when the Blackhawks pull their guns on Batman. But they don't shoot him in the face for some reason. Some heroes they are! Red Tornado begins screaming about the door being left open which probably saves Batman's life. He then flips the fuck out which means he'll be dismembered in a few pages. His stories always end in dismemberment. Batman steals Kendra's Nth Metal and races back to the Batcave to destroy the Multiverse in the pursuit of knowledge. The Nth Metal reveals Carter Hall's diary hidden in Wayne Manor. It's there to tell Batman he was right to pursue whatever he's been pursuing. The mysteries of the Nth Metal, I guess. And once he's been proving right, he's visited by Dream of The Endless. Well. I guess Snyder can still surprise me without me needing to make a snarky comment about how dumb his twist is. I don't know why Dream has appeared but it's pretty cool that he's been allowed back into the regular DC Universe. I'll say this about Metal: it's entertaining and interesting. But it's also built upon the dumb shit that Scott Snyder likes to build his retcons. So far we've learned that the Meta-gene is actually the Metal Gene because Nth Metal is behind all superpowers. We also learned that Nth Metal couldn't have come from anywhere in the DC Multiverse so it must have come from the other side of a two-dimensional representation of the Multiverse. I know that's just a metaphor but I bring it up because it's a metaphor from Stranger Things. The other big twist is that Wayne means wagon. In both the meta/metal and wagon/Wayne plot elements, we see the thing Scott Snyder bases almost all of his stories on. He starts small by looking at words and their meanings to expand those observations into a bigger story. Usually I'm just annoyed by them. But this time, he gets to really fuck around with the DC Universe by making this Nth metal/meta-gene connection and I'm always up for a good buttfucking of the DC Universe. Oh yeah! How can I mention all the word play without mentioning the Dark Nights title of the series? Oh, probably because it's been used before. But this time it's the Dark Nights bring the Dark Knights of the Dark Multiverse! It's boner and/or lubrication inducing! _________________________________________________________ ¹"Fangenders" is my inclusive term for what was once thought of as Fanboys. Being an obnoxious comic book know-it-all knows no gender boundary. ²I don't actually know what happens in Justice League #45. But if you were instantly angry at my lack of knowledge, you're a Fangender. That was the whole point, dum-dum! ³I have a floor cleaning business. This isn't just an analogy of a thing I rarely do. It happens all the time. I'm getting angry just thinking about it! I should probably footnote George Burns as well but what's the point? You have access to the fucking Internet, lazy!

[aion-rsa]

Does Superman Have a Future in the DCEU?

https://ift.tt/2QtOaxo

With Henry Cavill apparently finished as the Man of Steel, where does Superman go next in the DCEU?

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Feature

Books

Mike Cecchini

Superman

Sep 13, 2018

Justice League

Justice League 2

Man of Steel 2

DC Entertainment

Henry Cavill

Despite how cagey Warner Bros. was about keeping Henry Cavill’s Superman out of most of the marketing for Justice League, we always knew that his return would be a key moment, not just for the movie, but for the entire DCEU. And while it took a few years to get there, the final act of Justice League makes it pretty clear that the studio is finally ready to give audiences a classic interpretation of the character. Or, they would be, if Superman hadn’t been such a difficult business proposition on screen over the last decade or more.

The bad news is that Justice League fell well short of expectations at the box office, making it the fourth troubled Superman movie in the last 11 years. This has had ramifications for the entire DCEU slate going forward (Justice League 2 has no release date), and the implications for the Last Son of Krypton aren’t particularly encouraging. There's not much reason for Mr. Cavill to stick around at the moment, and the also bad news is that it looks like his time in the cape might be coming to an end.

The simplest proposition, Man of Steel 2, now seems less likely to happen than ever before. Even the most ardent Superman fan will likely agree that an earthbound Superman story revolving around Metropolis and the Daily Planet is going to be a tough sell. After all, once you’ve done two full blown alien invasions, it’s tough to follow that. Cramming Superman’s death and return into two movies where he was relegated to co-star not only robbed that big story of the spotlight it deserves, but lowers the stakes for the character in the future. Once you’ve beaten death, what’s left?

While it would be great to see a Justice League 2 that centers Superman as the leader and inspirational figure that the current film hinted at, it doesn’t seem likely right now. Apparently, there were plans for a Superman cameo in the upcoming Shazam! movie, but that is no longer the case. There has been idle chatter about adapting Red Son, which deals with a Superman who grew up in the Soviet Union, and the attendant world-changing ramifications that would bring. Neither of these non-traditional takes sounds terribly appealing to Superman fans waiting for a Richard Donner-esque return to glory.

But it would be a mistake for Warner Bros. to turn their backs entirely on Superman. They just need to adjust their thinking a little. These are some low risk ways they can get one more flight from Cavill (maybe), continue to exploit their shared universe of the DCEU, and use Superman to introduce (or reintroduce) characters:

Take Him Off-World

The DCEU hasn’t been shy about playing up Superman’s inherently alien nature and the “stranger in a strange land” elements of the character. Getting him out of Metropolis and out into the cosmos where he can cut loose will help mitigate any fears that audiences won’t accept another “traditional” Superman movie. By doing this, Warner Bros. could help reinvigorate a far more toxic franchise.

Green Lantern Corps currently has a 2020 release date, but little else. The intention is for GLC to play up the interstellar nature of the Corps, and keep the action away from Earth. Writer Elliot S. Maggin often played with the idea that Superman was a source of fascination for the Guardians of the Universe on Oa, and his classic Bronze Age story “Must There Be a Superman?” in which the Guardians worry that Superman is interfering with the proper development of human civilization, would be the perfect jumping off point to get Supes into space. There’s your first act, and then Kal-El and the Corps can go to town on the alien menace of your choice.

Adding Superman to the Green Lantern Corps movie (I’m not suggesting giving him a ring, calm down) hits three important DCEU notes. Moments of it can be a loose adaptation of a classic DC Comics story (they love doing this), it removes Green Lantern Corps even further from the DOA 2011 Green Lantern movie, and the theme of Superman wondering whether he can do more good out in the cosmos rather than potentially stunting humanity’s growth would be in line with the sometimes somber tone of the DCEU.

On a similar note, WB could use Superman to solve one of the problems they caused in Justice League. Steppenwolf was a woefully underdeveloped villain, and Jack Kirby’s epic (in the actual sense of the word) Fourth World and New Gods concepts weren’t well served on screen. While there is now a New Gods movie in development (with Ava DuVernay at the helm), we need to care about the war between the planets New Genesis and Apokolips, and it might not hurt to give audiences a feel for their place in the wider DCEU.

Several of Jack Kirby’s earliest Fourth World stories involved Superman coming into contact with various New Gods and Forever People, and his longing to be among beings who are more like him. Let Orion and Lightray come to earth to enlist Superman’s aid in their cosmic war, similar to how these concepts were introduced in Superman: The Animated Series. Superman becomes the audience’s POV character, we no longer have to worry about him automatically being the most powerful person in the room all the time, and the DCEU can properly introduce Darkseid without having to stage yet another invasion of Earth.

Team Him Up with Established Stars

Even without Justice League 2 being a priority, there are plenty of stars in the orbit of the DCEU. Dwayne Johnson has long expressed a desire for his Black Adam to “throw down” with someone like Superman, and Johnson and Cavill have made some teasing posts on social media together. Johnson’s Black Adam will no longer be introduced in 2019’s Shazam movie, and instead has a standalone movie of his own coming.

But despite the star power of Johnson, Black Adam isn’t the most recognizable character in DC’s stable (for that matter, neither is Shazam these days), but Superman certainly is, and an easier match for a team-up (or throwdown) than say, Batman. Check out the Superman/Shazam: The Return of Black Adam animated movie for a natural way to let these characters bolster each other. The Rock is often referred to as “franchise viagra” and, frankly, Superman’s box office takings have been stuck at about half-mast.

But again, after the talks for a Superman cameo in Shazam fell through, this easy solution doesn't seem all that likely. After all, Cavill signed up for the role of Superman to be a headliner, not a second banana.

Although my personal dream would be to re-team Superman with DC’s two safest cinematic bets: Batman (whoever he may be) and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. The DCEU loves adapting the broad strokes of classic comic stories, so a big screen version of the Watchmen creative team of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ “For The Man Who Has Everything” would tick all the appropriate boxes, without the pressure of it being a full blown Justice League sequel (which at the moment seems about as improbable as Man of Steel 2).

“For the Man Who Has Everything” is the superhero story that has everything. A powerful alien puts Superman into a hallucinatory coma, causing him to live in a dream world where he grew to maturity on a Krypton that never exploded, all while Batman and Wonder Woman fight for their lives. This could play almost like Inception (or a Twilight Zone episode) with superheroes, and it would allow another big screen appearance for Krypton, the visual and world-building highlight of Man of Steel. In a way, this story, which forces Superman to confront and make peace with his guilt at being the sole survivor of his world, would feel like a fitting sendoff for Cavill’s Superman.

The Alternate Universe Option

It would seem there has been some chatter about Michael B. Jordan wearing the red cape. Warner Bros. has already started to partition certain elements of their DC movies from the main timeline of the DCEU. Todd Phillips' upcoming Joker movie is set in the 1980s, and deals with a different version of the character, played by a different actor, than the one we've met in Suicide Squad, for example. So the idea of Michael B. Jordan as Superman isn't too far-fetched, especially if they go with Grant Morrison and Doug Mahnke's Calvin Ellis, "President Superman" version of the character.

The full DC superhero movie release schedule can be found here. Maybe we'll get a Superman story added to it one of these days.

Mike Cecchini is the Editor in Chief of Den of Geek. You can read more of his work here. Follow him on Twitter @wayoutstuff.

from Books https://ift.tt/2LSwGIj

[mbg159]

As someone whose favorite DC character is Alan Scott: yeah, this is a fair judgment in terms of 80% of the stories he’s been in. Which is a shame, because I think Alan as a character on paper is anything but nothing. Over the years, he’s accumulated a ton of interesting elements and story quirks that come as a result of him being a character who’s existed since the 1940s and weathered a whole mess of retcons and reboots.

- He’s a Green Lantern whose power comes from a completely different source, and is therefore essentially a magic hero who runs on Green Lantern rules. This means his powers manifest in noticeably different ways, with tons of implications. Also, wood is at least slightly less silly-sounding than the color yellow, and it seems to have been mostly kept in the modern day.

- He operated mostly in Gotham City (dunno when this was established, but it’s a neat little nod to their shared origin), and that means pretty much any Gotham lore dating to his time period is on the table for an Alan Scott story. Hell, a Green Lantern who can credibly get involved in Batman stuff is pretty unique in its own right.

- He’s an engineer with a power designed around imagination, which adds a lot of potential for fight scenes or crazy constructs.

- He has a somewhat hazy relationship with the Corps as a whole, and in at least one story, the source of his powers was something Very Bad that the Guardians wanted gone, and fast.

- The backup stories of his book were taken up by his dog Streak, who was himself a hypercompetent crimefighter who’s believed to have been a prototype of Rex the Wonder Dog.

- Since that one Tynion story, it’s been on the table that Alan is gay. He also had two kids, one of whom was also openly gay. There are so many stories you could write involving that; reading any book about old Hollywood will give you a mess of how complex it was to be a gay public figure in that era, and that’s before you get into the kids.

- His rogues gallery includes Solomon Grundy and Vandal Savage, who are both pretty good big names, and Sportsmaster and the Gambler, who are both pretty fun to throw against a guy with his powerset.

- He’s got a great aesthetic that stands out quite a bit no matter where you put him. He’s got a bit of djinni stories, a bit of two-fisted pulp, a bit of a wizard, a bit of the flame that befits a guy named after a lantern, all wrapped around a character who could pretty reasonably give Superman a fight. And, of course...

- He has an outfit that should never be changed in any regard.

But the key problem is... nobody really makes use of it. The idea of him being gay was ported over recently from New 52 Alan, who is a very different character. The Gotham connection only really plays a part in one story I can think of (a decent little yarn by Ed Brubaker, but still). His relationship to the Corps is rarely acknowledged in Green Lantern stuff, because he’s been tied to the JSA for too long to leave their orbit.

And in the JSA? He’s jockeying for screentime with ten other people at a conservative estimate, because the JSA is absurdly large. And he’s stronger than most of them put together, because they’re dudes with gas guns and boxing skills and he’s got the power to create a satellite fortress with his mind. This means he has to get put out of commission whenever things get rough, because how else are Wildcat and Doctor Mid-Nite going to get to do anything? And when you combine that with him being written over the years by generally unambitious writers, his memorable feats are pretty thin on the ground.

When he does get the spotlight on him, most of his plot arcs tend to revolve around his relationship with his kids (mostly Obsidian), and while I do like those stories, they end up being pretty typical superhero soap-opera stuff of learning to love your estranged son after he briefly becomes a darkness-powered supervillain. This is especially since writers realize that they can’t go too deep into the whole issue without risking Alan becoming unlikable, which means a lot of the drama can’t hit the way it should. (Best demonstrated by the fact that Bill Willingham did try to go into it, and it did indeed make Alan unlikable, though that might have just been Willingham being himself.)

The result is that while you have a character who has objectively been in a lot of stories and done a lot of things, in the vast majority of them, he’s just kind of there, floating around in his weird outfit and shooting green lasers at the threat of the week. Most of his good ideas end up being taken by other characters, and his links to other teams kind of leave him a bit spread thin, leaving him kind of a feathered fish as a result. I feel he needs That One Iconic Story, but it’s one that should not be written by the vast majority of people in the modern industry who want to write him.

Who's your favorite Green lantern?

This is actually a pretty tough one!

Alan Scott: Except for him. Nothing wrong with the guy but he’s nothing.

Hal Jordan: The easy answer between what Broome/Kane, Cooke, King/Shaner, and Morrison/Sharp have done with him over the years, he captures the boldness and freewheeling spaciness you want with the concept better than any of the rest of them by leaps and bounds, but his actual pound-for-pound track record is less than stellar, and that last run made a good case for his time being done altogether. If nothing else I think he’s not the best suited to stories about being a superhero/space-soldier of the bunch so much as an adventurer with action as an inevitable component, but he generally only gets to play in that territory around the fringes of more traditional stuff.

Guy Gardner: Perfectly fun, a sensible inclusion (as has been pointed out, if the qualifications are total fearlessness and honesty, of course some of these people are going to be assholes), never gonna be my favorite but happy to have him around.

John Stewart: I finally warmed up to him somewhat rewatching Justice League and JLU as a soldier slowly trying to reacclimate, but he’ll still never be my #1.

Kyle Rayner: Kinda generic, but I’ve got a soft spot for him, especially when I realized he’s basically the DCU’s Sora from Kingdom Hearts, the last champion left standing chosen basically by accident when the intended hero goes batshit, who carries on for this grand legacy and ends up bringing it back. Except while Sora stayed in the game and the driver’s seat in spite of his un-specialness through sheer determination and decency, Rayner was declared THE TORCHBEARER and became the White Lantern and whatnot but never actually mattered again once the others came back except that time he got roped into the Omega Men. I’ll never think he doesn’t have something to offer - Morrison had Daniel declare he’ll surpass Hal Jordan, putting the then-current guy over or not I’m holding DC to that - but he was never all he should have been.

Simon Baz: That origin...woof. I recall liking how Tim Seeley handled him in his run pretty well, but I’ve gotta hope his definitive story hasn’t happened yet.

Jessica Cruz: My favorite concept of the bunch other than Hal, the idea of overcoming fear being completely reframed this way really appeals to me and I’d love to see her blossom with a killer run.

Jo Mullein: The current one to beat, so far we’ve seen her entirely through the lens of Lantern-as-kinda-cop: she’s had about as great a start as possible (though I don’t know how much I have to say until I sit down and reread Far Sector once it’s done), but I fear how well she’ll translate to everything else that comes with the job when other folks are going to have to be entrusted with handling her past this initial story.

Volk, who has a volcano for a head:

Obviously the winner.

[superman86to99]

Superman: The Man of Steel #35 (July 1994)

"WORLDS COLLIDE," Part 1! And "THE FALL OF METROPOLIS," Part 2! And a Wonder Woman crossover! And a long-time character dies, as spoiled by the cover! This issue might be peak '90s. This is the most '90s you can cram into 22 pages without the comic exploding.

Things are a bit rough in Metropolis after Lex Luthor's main lackey launched some missiles that destroyed almost every building in the city (Action #700). Keith the Unlucky Orphan and his friends are trying to gather food from what's left of their orphanage, when a bunch of gangsters with machine guns show up to steal everything, reminding us why we call him Keith the Unlucky Orphan. Luckily, though, the kids are protected not just by Keith's pal Superman but by Myra, the Orphanage Lady, who decides to keep a couple of those machine guns in case the ruffians return.

Combined with the scars she got on her face after saving Keith from an hypnotic lizard lady last issue, Myra is only some shoulder pads away from looking like a badass '90s anti-hero.

While Superman tries to help people around the ruins of Metropolis, a Giant Robot That Shoots Death Lasers From Its Chest (GRTSDLFIC) emerges from the ground and starts creating more ruins. The monster runs into Keith and the other orphans, so Myra bravely stands in front of it with her new toys and tries to distract it.

And she does! For about a second.

As he holds Myra's body, Keith yells out for Superman, who arrives right in time to save him from getting death lasered too. The Special Crimes Unit also stops by to help, and the GRTSDLFIC turns out to be smart enough to target Maggie Sawyer out of all of the officers because it can tell she's the top dog (or maybe it's just homophobic, dunno). Superman saves her, because one strong female supporting character death is enough for this issue.

Superman realizes the GRTSDLFIC is alive and needs to breathe, so he flies it up into orbit to take out its air and leaves it suspended there while he goes deal with other problems. (Presumably by also throwing them into orbit, like usual.) Meanwhile, Keith begs Maggie and SCU to take Myra to the hospital, but it's too late for her. The kid has an understandably tough time accepting that another mother figure has left him.

RIP, Myra the no-nonsense orphanage lady. When we met her back in Man of Steel #1 (1991), I don't think anyone guessed that she'd die wielding dual machine guns while facing a Giant Robot That Shoots Death Lasers From Its Chest. But we should have, dammit. We should have.

Plotline-Watch:

So, wait, why is this part of a crossover called "Worlds Collide"? Because a whole 5 pages are devoted to Lois Lane's mailman, Fred Bentson, who is still having weird nightmares where he finds himself in another universe. Professor Hamilton meets Bentson at a Red Cross shelter and takes him to a clinic to treat his sleep disorder, which involves becoming immaterial while he sleeps and being haunted by an inter-dimensional monster. At the clinic, some rather shady psychologists hook Bentson up to a machine that can project his dreams, and they all see him naked as he's chased by the nightmare monster and tries to get help from... STATIC?!

By the way, the shady sleep clinic happens to be located right under the bridge that was half-destroyed during Superboy's fight with that Spider-Man wannabe called Stinger almost a year ago, which is still half-destroyed. At least it doesn't stand out from the rest of the city anymore (thanks, Dr. Happersen!). The half-bridge will be a relevant plot point during this storyline.

And why is this a Wonder Woman crossover? Because she appears for a single panel while Superman is fighting the Giant Robot and wishes she'd picked another issue to come ask for his advice. The comic tells us to buy Wonder Woman #88 (which briefly shows WW helping Superman against the robot) for the rest of the story.

On that subject, Don Sparrow says: "Superman doesn’t appear very prominently in the connected issue of Wonder Woman #88. All that happens is Wonder Woman requests that Superman stop her if she ever loses control of herself. It’s not a great issue, largely because Christopher Priest writes both Diana and Superman fairly out of character throughout, and the art in the issue manages to depict Wonder Woman as both matronly and pervy. (The issue also features the choice line of dialogue “female be trippin’”, so if you don’t rush out and find the issue, you’re not missing much, apart from another great Bolland cover featuring Superman)."

Yes, the Keith stuff is pretty depressing, and could be seen as another example of Superman comics going all "Dark Age," but at least it'll lead to positive things for the character in the near future. Now, those other orphans who lost Myra, not so sure...

Patreon-Watch:

The results of the Superman/Doomsday: Hunter/Prey bonus artwork poll are in, and after tallying up the votes here and at Patreon, the character who will get drawn by the great Don Sparrow is... Maxima, in her post-Doomsday purple suit! Who won by a whole vote! (For those keeping count: 5 votes for Red Cyborg, 10 for Pouch Superman, and 11 for Purple Maxima.)

Don's work will be posted for all to see, but the original artwork will be given away to one of our patrons, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, Gaetano Barreca, and Dave Shevlin. If you'd like to decrease their chances, join them at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99!

And speaking of Don, stick around for his section, after the jump...

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

It’s an interesting cover, with the protagonist and even the title trade dress obscured by shadow.  It’s not really an action-type pose, but Superman’s angry expression indicates that action will follow.  We also get a hint at the tragedy within, with an injured Myra Allen below Superman.

Inside the book, we get our first glimpses of post-cataclysm Metropolis, seen through the eyes of hard-luck Keith.  The double page spread on pages 2 and 3 is a great drawing of Superman, exuding power even in a static pose. 

The cybernetic monster, who in this issue gets neither a name, nor an origin (unless the story’s title, Afterburn, is maybe the robot’s name?) but it’s an appropriately Fleischer studios-like design for Bogdanove to draw. 

Normally I quite dislike photo-stat backgrounds, but the panel with Superman carrying survivors gets a pass from me, because I love images of Superman saving kids—especially the way Bogdanove draws it. 

Myra Allen’s last stand against the robot is stirringly drawn, and to me visually recalls Frank Miller and Dave Gibbons’ “Martha Washington Goes to War” which was hitting newsstands around this time.   It’s interesting to see Bogdanove’s version of the famed Brian Bolland pose from Wonder Woman #72, even if she’s facing away. 

Keith’s grief at Myra’s passing is as powerful and sad an image as we’ve ever seen in these books, and my heart breaks for the poor little guy (look at his little hand clutching the cape!  What an astonishing detail!).  Though he’s fictional, it’s hard not to feel for him, when he’s endured so much tragedy in his young life.  I appreciate the restraint here, from a story standpoint—Superman offers no words of comfort, or guidance at what comes next, because they would only be trite and empty in a moment such as this.  All Superman can do, he does—which is to hold Keith, and let him weep.

Our final cameo of the book is Milestone’s Static, another character Bogdanove seems born to draw.  The introduction to him, as the milquetoast Bentson jumps to the Milestone world is fittingly energetic.   

SPEEDING BULLETS:

I appreciate the detail early on that Superman has put “a lot of time into locating” gas leaks and shutting them down.  It’s nice that the writer considered something like that.

We’ve known for a while that the DCU version of Coca-Cola is Soder, but nice to be informed that Sprite is called “Spritz” here. 

Professor Hamilton is perhaps a bit casual about the fact that Bentson was briefly immaterial! [Max: Maybe he's like "Have I been immaterial before? Maybe during the Husque storyline? Don't remember..."]

The great Jose-Luis Garcia Lopez gets a sort of shout out on page 7, as a fresh fruit stand bears his name.

At the time of this issue’s release I remember being very curious about the Milestone characters, and excited about them crossing over with my favourite character, but I still question the choice of having an uninteresting character like Bentson be the initial conduit between the worlds.  Maybe if the previous issues had established him as a recognizable Metropolis fixture (as well as Dakota City) like Whit or Allie or someone, it would have a little more impact (though they do try to build up his importance here, as the mailman who delivered the damaging evidence about Lex Jr.).  But I find it hard to really care about the Egon-looking guy, particularly when he’s running around naked.

[one-of-us-blog]

The Return of Doctor Mysterio (Doctor Who Christmas Special)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”, the latest Doctor Who Christmas Special. A superhero is flying around New York, and the Doctor’s got some problems with that. On top of this, some aliens are up to their ol’ alien tricks and have an invasion plan cooked up. The Doctor’s going to have his hands full on this non-Christmasy Christmas special! Bam! Zap! Pow!

Keep reading… if you dare!

Eli, I’m really glad you enjoyed “Zborn Again” so much! I agree that Rose’s subplot has always struck me as a little off, but I always get a kick about Dorothy and Stan dogging all over the place. I’m really late for my recap so I’m gonna jump right into it, but let me say again that you did a great job, buddy!

Buttocks tight!

Special directed by Ed Bazalgette and written by Steven Moffat

After zooming in on some comic book frames, we enter a Gotham-esque city and catch sight of some nerd named Grant sleeping with the blankets up to his chin. He’s having some intense dreams about a childhood encounter with the Doctor. The Doctor was setting a trap on Grant’s roof, and ends up dangling outside his bedroom window. Grant explains the situation to his mom, who thinks he’s talking about Santa Clause because it’s Christmas time, son, and then allows Doctor Clause into his room. The two chat about superheroes because Grant is a big dork for comics, and we find out that despite the Doctor being like a trillion years old at this point he didn’t know Clark Kent and Superman are one and the same. Grant sneaks the Doctor up to the roof, where he shows off the trap he’s been laying. The Doctor explains that he’s the Doctor and not Santa, and Grant says that if he were a superhero he’d be called Doctor Mysterio. Sure, why not. The Doctor explains the machine he built on the roof is actually designed to correct some time distortions rippling through New York, where is where we are, and the trap he was setting up was actually to protect the machine from interference by anyone else.

Grant’s not the brightest bulb, and it turns out he swallowed a vital component of the machine because he thought it was some sort of medicine the Doctor was giving him to treat a Christmas cold he was suffering from. The gem is basically a little ball of magic that can figure out what someone wants and draws energy from the nearest star in order to give it to them. Grant starts flying around as the gem glows in his chest, dragging the Doctor along for the ride. Back in the present, Grant is awoken by the cries of a baby he’s watching. Adult Grant still has the magical crystal inside his chest, and thinks back on when the Doctor explained to him that it had made him a superhero because it thought that’s what he wanted.

After the credits we head over to a Daily Planet knockoff, where a wannabe Lex Luthor named Mr. Brock is holding a press conference and being grilled by a Lois Lane impersonator named Lucy Fletcher. The conference is then interrupted by none other than Nardole, who somehow got his head back on his own body since the last time we saw him. Brock approaches Dr. Sim, the most blatantly villainous man to ever walk the planet, but before Sim’s alien ass can talk to Brock about what’s bothering him, Brock goes off to make sure Fletcher isn’t getting too far in her snooping. Later that night, Brock and Sim go off in search of some villainy, Fletcher is posing as a custodian and Nardole, who’s been hiding in the washroom this whole time, radios to the Doctor to give him the all clear. Fletcher catches Sim and Brock in a room full of brains in jars, and finds out even Brock doesn’t know what the hell the point of any of this. Brock has no interest in Sim’s overall creepiness, but Sim finally manages to point out that more and more brains are appearing in this room without anyone delivering them.

The Doctor joins Fletcher in her eavesdropping, and they see Brock, at Sim’s request, disturb one of the brains and cause it to sprout a pair of eyes which look just like Sim’s. Brock’s finally starting to figure out something’s amiss here, and Sim, who’s a member of the same race we saw dealing with River in the last episode, admits that he put the brain of the real Dr. Sim in one of the jars and hijacked this body, and now he’s ‘bout to do the same to Brock. Sim locks Brock in the vault with some surgeons, who prepare to swap his brain out for one of the alien ones in the jars. The Doctor and Fletcher scoot away and meet up with Nardole, and the Doctor discusses how this organization has facilities all over the world. Sim catches them and is preparing to shoot them, but this is interrupted by someone knocking at the window. That’s weird, because they’re on the 100th floor, but what are you gonna do? The knocking is being done by the Ghost, Grant’s superhero alter ego. Fletcher’s heard of him, but wasn’t sure he was real. The Ghost and Fletcher make eyes at each other, then he and the Doctor recognize each other. The Ghost gives Fletcher a ride home without doing anything about any of the evil doing going on around here, and the Doctor thinks back on when he met Grant as a kid and made him promise not to use his powers.

Grant drops Fletcher off, only to be called away to deal with the baby he’s supposed to be watching. He finds the Doctor caring for the baby, and the Doctor’s not happy. Oh, hey, by the way, the baby that he’s nannying for is actually Lucy Fletcher. Fletcher’s startled by seeing the Doctor and Nardole in her house, and Grant keeps up the act of not knowing anything about what Fletcher, the Doctor and the Ghost got up to tonight. We get a big ol’ hetero flashback about how Grant’s had a crush on Fletcher since they went to school together. Fletcher ended up marrying Grant’s best friend, only to run off when the baby came along. Grant started nannying for the baby and unknowingly involving Fletcher in his cuckoldry and subservience fetishes right away, and here we are. Some sort of disaster breaks out, and Grant jumps into Ghost mode to save the day while Fletcher interrogates the Doctor in the most utterly bizarre manner possible. The Doctor explains that the brains are alien lifeforms who move from planet to planet, replacing key members of the population in order to prepare planets for colonization. Fletcher, who has all the tenacity and none of the charm of Lois Lane, figures out the Doctor knows who the Ghost really is.

Grant overhears Fletcher trying to get the Ghost’s identity out of the Doctor, so he zooms off to call her and set up an interview and keep her off the Doctor’s back. This is a problem, as Fletcher will need to have Grant babysit while she meets with the Ghost. Grant says he has a date, which is surprising to Fletcher, but he immediately gives up on his story about having other plans in order to satisfy his Mistress’ every whim and desire. Back at Evil HQ, Sim is tip tap typing away while the newly assimilated Brock complains about the new body he’s stuck in. Sim plans to stick a brain in the Ghost, but this is interrupted by the appearance of the Doctor. He offers them mercy if they just leave Earth alone, but the aliens aren’t in the mood to deal. The Doctor assures them that every attempt to conquer Earth has failed because of him, then summons the TARDIS with a whistle and Nardole, who’s now a professional TARDIS pilot. We get some exposition about how the Doctor cut Nardole’s head out of King Hydroflax’s body because he was afraid he’d get lonely without someone to travel with.

Fletcher and the Ghost meet up for their date/interview, while the Doctor and Nardole materialize in Evil HQ’s Tokyo branch. The Doctor figures out that every facility is beaming some sort of signal into space, and there’s something orbiting Earth that shouldn’t be there. We get plenty of totally necessary hetero flirting between Fletcher and the Ghost, while Sim and Brock plan to stick an alien brain in the Ghost’s head and the Doctor locates the ship hiding in low orbit. While speaking with the Ghost, Fletcher suddenly realizes she’s maybe sort of in love with Grant, the man who’s been inserting himself into her life since she was a child and who’s never learned how to get the hell over a crush, as the Doctor and Nardole board the alien ship and Sim becomes aware of their presence. The Ghost prepares to reveal his true identity to Fletcher, but she’s too busy wallowing in her own ennui to notice. Brock and some surgeons arrive to assimilate the Ghost, and Brock threatens Fletcher in order to keep the Ghost in line.

The Doctor figures out that the ship has been rewired and turned into a big bomb. It’s going to destroy New York, causing mass panic and give the brain aliens all the leverage they need to conquer Earth. The Ghost flies off as Brock plans to kill Fletcher, but then he pops back in as Grant to save the day as himself and, most importantly, impress Fletcher. The Doctor decides to throw a dildo into Sim’s plan by driving the bomb ship into New York ahead of schedule. The Doctor can’t get to the TARDIS because of some security drones which grab Nardole by the throat, so he sends out a signal calling for Grant to come save the day. After a dramatic cut we find out that Grant, out of his Ghost costume, has stopped the ship from hitting New York, saved the Doctor and Nardole and revealed his secret to Fletcher. Busy day! The Doctor and Nardole are able to get to the TARDIS and beam out of the bomb ship. Fletcher is absolutely sopping wet over Grant at this point, and gives him a big smooch while he carries her into the sky so he can get rid of the bomb ship. The Doctor is stuck babysitting, but takes time to assure Brock that Evil HQ is done for as UNIT swoops in to shut all that shit down. Unfortunately, the brain in Sim’s body manages to hop into the body of a UNIT soldier, so we might see him again later.

Grant’s giving up the Ghost for some reason, and the Doctor assures Grant and Fletcher that he can pick up the slack when it comes to saving the world. He’ll handle aliens, but as far as all the people who are going to die in some house fires the Ghost would normally take care of, well, they can just go to hell, I guess.

The End

~~~~~

Well, this one didn’t quite do it for me. It essentially felt like Steven Moffat’s Superman/Doctor Who fanfiction from high school, and it never really rose above that for me. Grant and Fletcher were both utterly unlikable for me, and it was pretty jarring to have Nardole just be part of things suddenly. I do like Nardole, though, so that wasn’t so bad. I’m kind of at a loss for things to point out at this point… It’s obvious Moffat really liked those aliens from last episode and was just dying to use them again a year later, and maybe that would have been more fun if the aliens were more interesting. I thought the episode looked really good and had some really slick visuals, but I’m really only mentioning that so this little summary bit here doesn’t seem entirely negative.

I give “The Return of Doctor Mysterio” QQ on the Five Q Scale.

We’ll see you again soon when Eli decides it’s time for a major life chance with his recap of the next episode ofThe Golden Girls, “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sophia?”, and after that I’ll post my recap of the first episode of the last series ofDoctor Whothat I’ll be covering, “The Pilot”.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for cucking and thank you for being One of Us!

[pilgrimsoftheflyingtemple]

Session 4 - New Story, New Pilgrims, New Letter (2017-10-29)

Players

Fabio as GM/Pilgrim Sassy Rabbit

Alice as Pilgrim Donkey Teeth

Eddie (still absent) as Pilgrim Wandering Bee

Jordan as Pilgrim Cloud Giant

Declan as Pilgrim Reckless Rock

One Pilgrim out, two Pilgrims In

In the aftermath of Jukku's letter, B.A. (the previous GM), had to get out of the game for particular reasons, so Fabio (Sassy Rabbit's player) took the shield and turned the GM for the group, that grow with two new players, Jordan and Declan.

First, a Pilgrim just got out: as Donkey Teeth and Wandering Bee ready themselves to get away, Sassy Rabbit came to them and show them that she could not fly anymore. Looks like she graduated as a Pilgrim, and was not ready to be a Monk of the Flying Temple, even with the Temple missing. Before Donkey Teeth and Wandering Bee go away for searching more clues on the Temple Disappearing, Sassy Rabbit said she would look after the Sages and make sure the king would honor the agreement, giving for Donkey Teeth one of her rubber strings she used to do her "rabbit ears" bangs as a Memento. Albeit left a small tear, Donkey Teeth stayed on the "tough guy" pose when hugging Sassy Rabbit, that was somehow crying, as she couldn't say when (or if) she could find her good friend again. After leaving Jukku, without Sassy Rabbit, Donkey Teeth and Wandering Bee noted that Muurgh, the Dragon grow a lot, almost doubling on size, and even formed a kind of weird biome on itself.

In the meantime, Pilgrims Cloud Giant (Jordan) and Reckless Rock (Declan), were going back the Temple, totally oblivious on the fact that The Temple is Missing, beside hearing some creepy gossip about the event. They were saving some worlds in the Heaven of Dust, by helping the local farmers on the crop growing. When going back, they found some flying boats and ships that were flying away from the Many Worlds' core, getting away from where the Flying Temple (supposely) is. When getting into the largest of those ships, people said for the pilgrims bad news: the Temple had Gone and the Worlds' orbits are collapsing! They also say about the Dragon, and said the Dragon is really big, as their teeth were as big as Cloud Giant (that was really HUGE!!!!) and about how the Temple's abscence is making the Cosmos grow chaotic, the people in the ship that talked with Cloud Giant and Reckless Rock the last one that escaped from one of the ill-fated planets that crashed with others.

Cloud Giant thought that he could just avoid the planet problem with his strenght and Reckless Rock though that the Dragon could not be that big. Reckless Rock stubbornly though the Temple was still there, and though that he would not believe if he couldn't see that by his own eyes, so he gone back to where the Temple is (was, in fact). So, they gone for the Many Worlds' Core, even everyone saying them that there was just darkness and debris where the Temple once was. They felt the opression caused by the Temple's abscence.

In the meantime, Donkey Teeth was a little uneasy, as there's no more Sassy Rabbit to help her, Wandering Bee just too much out-of-this-world to be helpful (justifying Eddie's abscense). She then chose to get back where the Temple was so she could meditate and find some answers on what happened. When they came where the Temple was, she saw two Pilgrims lost and looking the Temple's debris. They were exactly Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant, that was almost stampeded by Muurgh, Donkey Teeth didn't stopped Muurgh at time. Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant saw Donkey Teeth and got over the Dragon and presented each other.

Now, there's more Pilgrims...

And this is good.

The Letter and the Slavers

In the meanwhile, while looking for things in Muurgh's biome, Donkey Teeth found something into a tree hole. She pushed this and she found a little piece of paper folded into a letter. A childish handwriting show the recipient "To the Pilgrims of the Flying Temple". When they unfold the paper, they read the Lost One letter (Do - Fate of the Flying Temple, p. 121), where Little Molly asks for some help to find where the local animals are. They discovered that Molly is from a planet called Vigro. So, they departed to Vigro with Muurgh. While thinking on Vigro, they discovered that Vigro is basically a kind of forest planet, with 40-miles diameter, with some sea and only a continent, like a kind of wooden Australia. They think that the Dragon is the main link between them and the Temple, as even the Temple missing, letters stay coming (and brought to the Dragon).

Donkey Teeth also said Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant all about how they discovered that the Temple had gone and so that they discovered at Jukku that the Temple provided copies on their books everywhere, so spreading all around the Many Worlds the knowledge that was (they believed) centralized at the Temple, which looks like a kind of contingency for a catastrophe.

In their way to Vigro, they found some big ships attacking smaller ones that were getting away from the Many Worlds' Core. They tried to argue with the slavers, but they only gone for fighting against the Pilgrims. Donkey Teeth gone for with Muurgh to try to rip the slavers ships' cannons off, but was unsuccessful. In the meantime, Cloud Giant tried to also rip off the cannons, and he got a Success with a Style, ripping them and throwing them in the skies, taking out the ships are characters against the Pilgrims, making everyone nearby Scared from Cloud Giant as a boost.

After that, and recognizing the Pilgrims as they are, one of them screamed "GUYS, SHOOT'EM ALL!!!", and the bad guys took some steampunk-looking gatling guns and shooting against the Pilgrims ("BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA!"), specially against Reckless Rock, that did a kind of laughing off-tone as a Flashy defense... Not too much effective, as he took a Stress 3 attack doing some bruises on his body, albeit with no real Consequences on it. After the guys in the deck do their attack, some guys on Ornithopters got to the attack that got and attacked Reckless Rock again, but he defended himself against the Ornithopters guys with his cloak.

To finish this round, Reckless Rock described some of the epic strenght feats from Cloud Giant (some of them he didn't even know), but a Success with a Style, he took the Scared boost and turned it into a Scared as Hell with THREE FREE INVOKES! (YIIPEEE!!!).

And in the next round, Cloud Giant uses his THREE INVOKES on the Scared as Hell Aspects for a +6 bonus and with another Success with a Style he basically make the slavers going running away, seeing that Cloud Giant had took and twisted the cannon like it was nothing in the best Superman style! They run away like the Devil himself showed for them. They freed the captured people and left them into those ships, so they could go away for next, not before the captives says that some people now think that as there's no more Temple, they could do what they want.

After this, the Pilgrims gone for Vigro.

In Vigro

As they approach Vigro, they have a comparision on how big Muurgh as now: in Jukku, he could walk with the Pilgrims like a big puppy, but at Vigro, Muurgh was big enough to cast a shadow at Vigro. Muurgh felt a little sad by being left behind. Vigro was basically a big Australia-like forest. The Pilgrims arrived on the shore nearby a big fairytale-looking village. There's some walls and little huts, made on wood and masonry, with a Town Hall at North. The streets were all mansonry.

The Pilgrims gone to a nearby house and talked with a plump woman, looking for Molly. The woman says that Molly is daughter of Jefter, the main woodchucker from the region, that were at the time at the local Blacksmith. The woman give the directions for the Pilgrims to the Blacksmith and them they gone. The Pilgrims could see that people in the place dresses themselves like they were into a Grimm Brother's, fake German, style.

When they arrive at the Blacksmith, he is sharpening the axes and saws for another man there: it's Jefter, Molly's dad. The Blacksmith recognize the Pilgrims as foreigners, and when the Pilgrims asks for Molly, the other man, Jefter, looks for the Pilgrims. Jefter is somwhat pissed with the Pilgrims, as Molly is missing for some days, and he blames the Pilgrims, as she send the letter asking for help to find "that pesky dog" (in fact, more than the dog). The Pilgrims replied, saying that she said in the letter she would wait for them. Jefter looks a little guilt on all this.

The Pilgrims says that they would find Molly, but Jefter is somehow skeptic, as Molly went to the forest, and there's dangerous creatures at the forest, like Ogres and similar monsters. Even the woodchuckers and lumberjacks avoid to get too deep into the forest because of the dangerous creatures. In fact, this only make Reckless Rock goes even more stubborn into getting in the forest, without preparing himself for the dangers there, going mad as a March Hare. Cloud Giant follows Reckless Rock, while Donkey Teeth got to talk a little more with Jefter and the Blacksmith.

Jefter assumes it was his fault what is happening now: he didn't heard when Molly said there was lots of animals missing, and he thought it was all about Tivoli, his main pet dog. He doesn't know what happened with Tivoli, but he knows that's there's a kind of mystical mist, that "eats the animal's flesh". There's just some cows and goats in the village, that stays behind the village's walls, as all animals that get out the walls to the forest is never saw again. Even Donkey Teeth feeling something is wrong, she could see Jefter is telling the truth.

The Forest

In the meanwhile, Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant run into the forest without looking for anything, Reckless Rock running mad as a March Hare. It was when they got into a close glade into the deep forest, with lots of woods nearby. Reckless Rock see no sign of Molly there, even trying to look for sources of light, as in the letter Molly said she had a flashlight. Reckless Rock started to call for Molly. When they hear a kind of howling, and the grass nearby moves very creepily, while non-human shadows could be saw.

The howling could be heard at the village, and that was the sign Donkey Teeth needed to see that Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant had themselves into trouble, and runned for the Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant, that are now circled by a big group of monsters. Reckless Rock tried to lullaby everyone, but as he was really bad into the roll, there was an Advantage where he accidently provoked the monsters that was full on resentment against humans that tried to take over the forest from them. The wolfman attacked Reckless Rock, that tried to run to Defend himself by making him lost his scent, and the Wolfmen avoided to cross the Stream. Cloud Giant them Provoked them by asking if they ate the animals, but the monsters are so hungry for flesh, as there's no animals nearby in the last two moons, and the monsters looked like they were ready to eat meat... the Pilgrim's meat! The wolfman was so intimidating that Cloud Giant got Scared as Hell, as the wolfman looked mad and ready to chop his limbs apart. Even smaller then Cloud Giant, he had claws and teeth and sadistic attitude and a craving for meat!

Reckless Rock looked for trying to get nearby the wolfman from behind, and gone behind the wolfman very easily with a Success with a Style, while Donkey Teeth find the monsters circling Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant. Donkey Teeth called for the monsters, and it was so very successful, that they looked on a so big rage on her that she needed to run to avoid being Dinner. The Contest started with Donkey Teeth avoiding being eaten and taking them as far she could from the others. Donkey Teeth gain time for Reckless Rock to remove the Scared as Hell Aspect on Cloud Giant, albeit losing his Aspect on Shadowing the Wolfman in the process. Reckless Rock and Cloud Giant take his time to create a Trap, and Cloud Giant suggest to do a big hole, and Reckless Rock doing his lullaby again to call for the monsters attention.

Donkey Teeth uses the Lullaby as an advantage, but this time the Monsters got nearby enough to Donkey Teeth feel their foul smell. Donkey Teeth uses her teeth to break a tree and put it in the way of the monsters. But at the roll, there was a tie in the Contest... Which means that some kind of turning event happened.

The monsters cornered and flanked the Pilgrims, and looked like this time they'll be toast. And it was when everyone felt a kind of small earthquake when something stomped the ground nearby while walking, making even those monsters getting scared as a big shadow casted behind the pilgrims...

Which was that? They'll discover next session...

[superman86to99]

Action Comics #697 (March 1994)

Bizarro's World, Part 3! Superman not only gets to fight Bizarro for the first time in this storyline, but he also finally gets to rough up Lex Luthor for the first time in... this entire continuity, maybe?

Superman bursts into Lex Luthor Jr.'s personal sauna and demands to know what he has to do with that "Bizarre-o" creature who seems to have his same powers and kidnapped Lois Lane recently. Supes is so angry that he doesn't even notice Lex is clearly very sick until Lex's "mum," Dr. Kelley, points it out. Superman apologizes for getting carried away, but then Lex admits that he does know where Bizarro came from: his overzealous employee Sydney Happersen created him while trying to find a cure for his boss' mystery illness (which is actually the Clone Plague going around Metropolis lately, but Superman doesn't know Lex is in the risk group for that).

When Superman hears Bizarro is in Midway City, he speeds there and finds the monster trying to "fix" a drawbridge by fusing it together with his heat vision. The poor brute doesn't understand why the cops are shooting at him after that, or why someone who looks like him shows up out of nowhere and punches him across several city blocks.

Superman manages to gain the upper hand on Bizarro, but unfortunately he punches him harder than intended (courtesy of his expanded powers, as seen in recent months) and almost causes a building to collapse. Superman throws Bizarro into orbit to get rid of him while he deals with the collapsing building situation, thus continuing one of the most long-running traditions in this era: Superman throwing crap into space when he doesn't know what to do with it.

As he floats over Earth, Bizarro's warped memories remind him of Smallville and he's like "You know who never dropped a giant globe on me or threw me into space? Lana Lang. She was nice." He stops by Smallville to visit Lana, who is supremely freaked out by the sight of an ugly backwards version of her childhood crush.

Seeing Lana in danger makes Superman double-angry and he finally punches Bizarro so hard that he stops moving. What's more, Superman seems relieved that can't detect any signs of life in the creature (he won't be going into space for six months to atone for this one). After making sure Lana is relatively okay, Superman takes Bizarro's "corpse" back to Metropolis for study... but, of course, we see on that last panel that he opens his eyes, because there are still two more issues left in this storyline. CONTINUED!

Plotline-Watch:

Lex Luthor is now officially as bald as, well... Lex Luthor.

After that, the most significant event this issue is that Lana's run-in with Bizarro convinces her that she definitely doesn't yearn to be Superman's girlfriend anymore and she literally runs off to tell her boyfriend Pete Ross she wants to marry him ASAP (meaning "in three issues," or Action #700).

Superman thinks that he hasn't been this angry since Lex Sr. kidnapped Lana Lang (way back in Superman #2), right before Bizarro kidnaps Lana Lang. Coincidence or psychic link?

Also, Bizarro takes Lana to Smallville's old Simonson Limestone Quarry, which is Superman's official spot for fighting duplicates: that's where he fought the Pocket Universe Superboy in Superman #8, the Eradicator-controlled Matrix/Supergirl in Action #644 (as Lana points out), and now this. Superman '86 to '99: still the internet's foremost authority on Smallville's old Simonson Limestone Quarry after all these years.

When Superman apologizes for manhandling Lex, he says: "If someone were ripping up the city in *my* name, I'd be pretty upset too." More Action #700 foreshadowing!

Lex tells Superman he probably got sick after being exposed to the toxic junk in Coast City when he went snooping there right before it fell into the water (Superman #83). This is a pretty good cover story, because Lex WAS a big dumbass for going there without any protection whatsoever.

Patreon-Watch:

Don Sparrow’s section below was read a week ago by our patrons Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, and Bol (who also motivated me to finish this my part above right before the end of the month). You can join at: https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And now I leave you in Don’s capable hands for art commentary and, as usual, all the interesting details I missed despite owning these issues for decades...

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

We begin with the cover, and it’s such a unique composition that it rang a bell.  I went into my old copy of The Greatest Superman Stories Ever Told and found the very first Bizarro story, in Superboy #68.  It’s maybe the best Bizarro story, and of course, the closest to the Frankenstein novel, right down to befriending a blind girl.  I digress—anyway, at one point, Superboy, trying to get rid of the Bizarro menace, attempts to hurl him like a discus into outer space. But Bizarro being Bizarro, he boomerangs back at Superboy, and smashes into Superboy.  The pose isn’t identical, but I thought it was close enough to be a potential homage.  What do you think?  Do I have too many Superman comics on the brain or is there something here? [Max: I see it! I also have the Greatest Stories book and read it a million times and never noticed the reference, very cool!]

Inside we are greeted with a fairly action-packed splash, of Superman smashing through a glass wall into Lex Junior’s steam bath.

It’s a great image, with lots of motion, and Superman’s carelessness with the flying glass lets the reader know he’s not messing around (later in the book, Superman even thinks to himself he hasn’t been that angry since Superman #2, and there’s definitely a visual callback now that I think of it!). [Max: ANOTHER thing I never noticed! I am astonished.] Page 4’s chiaroscuro Superman is a great look, and I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t somewhat influenced by the shadowy renderings of Superman by Immonen a few weeks back.

There’s still more uncharacteristic Superman destructiveness as he flies away to confront Bizarro on that same page—I wonder if this is disregard, or a signal that Superman’s powers are out of whack.

Page 5 gives us a new look at Lex Junior’s deterioration, and it’s interesting, looking at this from an era when Lex Luthor has been fit/thin for decades—Junior is very much looking like the Lex we now know.

Superman is pretty brutal to Bizarro in the story, and it’s interesting to me that even though we’ve seen that Superman’s mass and power level have increased, he’s unable to shatter this Bizarro as easily as he did in their first meeting. It’s a bit comical how many times Superman believes he has destroyed Bizarro in this issue, only for Bizarro to bounce back and counter-attack.

Then later in the issue, we get another hint of a call-back to the boomerang idea from the original Superboy story, where Superman hammer-throws Bizarro off-world.

Later in the story, I’m wondering if Jackson Guice had recently watched Terminator 2, as Lana looks for all the world like Linda Hamilton (which wouldn’t be bad casting for that part, back in the day!) and on the same page, Bizarro definitely has an Ah-nold vibe. [Max: Add this to the ever-growing “I really should have noticed this years ago” pile, please.]

On the whole, this is another slugfest issue, where besides a pretty good duke-out, not a ton happens.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

It occurs to me that it must be quite an act for Lex to keep up the accent and Australianisms all the time.  On top of all the other ways he’s an evil genius, he’s also a master thespian, it seems.

Bizarro “fixing” a drawbridge is exactly the sort of danger he should be causing—not intentionally evil, but misguided in a child-like way.

Interesting that Lana calls the character who brought her out to the quarries “Supergirl” even though her previous identity looked nothing of the kind. [Max: Remember she did first meet Matrix in her Supergirl form back in Adventures #442, Don!]

Clark’s uncool treatment of Lana continues, calling her efforts to protect him a “foolhardy stunt”.  You’re welcome, buddy.

The characterization of Lana craving normalcy is one that echoed in  portrayals of her in Lois & Clark, and later on, Smallville—she certainly loved Clark, but would have been happier without the powers.  I’m sure Pete Ross is glad for her phone call, whatever the reasoning.

[superman86to99]

Superman #78 (June 1993)

REIGN OF THE SUPERMEN! The grand debut of the Cyborg Superman, the one that looks like Superman’s mom was having an affair with Kelex! Is that too obscure? That’s probably too obscure. Let’s go with “a toaster”, then, though I’m not sure if they had something like that on Krypton. Are there any Superman stories depicting his ancestors eating any type of bread? Backstage photos of Marlon Brando in a Jor-El costume eating a footlong don’t count.

Moving on, the issue opens with Lois Lane interviewing a nuclear plant worker who says a somehow non-dead Superman prevented a disaster there. Lois is skeptical (she did, after all, just meet two other guys claiming to be the late Man of Steel), until she sees a photo of the incident:

Meanwhile, this mysterious Superman (who’s apparently kind of emo, since he loves leaving half his body under shadows) has shown up at S.T.A.R. Labs demanding they give him Doomsday’s corpse. Unfortunately, the body has been repossessed by Project Cadmus, because “stealing dead aliens” is apparently a big part of their business model. The new Superman flies into Cadmus, and after shrugging off all their defenses, we finally see his face: it’s... the same robot face you already saw on the cover! And at the end of Adventures #500! HOLY CRAP!

Cyborg Superman is able to use the robotic parts of his body to interface with Cadmus’ computers and gain access to the ultra-secret section where they’re keeping Doomsday’s bod -- and he didn’t even buy the computers dinner first. Saying that Doomsday is too dangerous to be kept in a government cloning facility (a fair point), the Cyborg grabs the body and flies off into space. He then ties Doomsday to an asteroid, attaches a device to it (supposedly to alert him if anyone messes with the body), and throws the whole package into an orbit where no one will ever run into it. Wait, solving problems by just throwing them into space? Holy crap, this IS Superman!

Anyway, when Cyborg Superman returns to earth, Lois is waiting for him there (she figured out he was at Cadmus because... she’s Lois Lane). Cyborg says he doesn’t remember much of his life, or even who put him back together with robot parts, but one thing he knows for sure is that he’s definitely Superman.

The Cyborg remembers enough (the name “Kent”, something about a farm in Kansas) to intrigue Lois. She takes him to Professor Hamilton, who has done his fair share of poking at Superman’s things in the past. Ham confirms that the Cyborg’s robot parts are Kryptonian technology, and that his fleshy bits match Superman’s DNA. The Professor has no doubt that this is the real deal right here. HE’S BACK, BABY!

IMPORTANT! Plug-Watch:

As I mentioned the other day, Karl Kesel and Tom Grummett have a Kickstarter to publish/continue their Section Zero series! I’ve been waiting to read this story literally this entire century, so please help them make this happen! The campaign is on its last 24 hours, so hurry up. Here’s the link once again:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1227066666/section-zero

And even if you’ve never read a comic by Kesel and Grummett, trust me, you'll want to kick yourself for not backing this project once this blog goes over the next issues of Adventures. (Yeah, I’m pretty mad at myself for slowing down and not getting to those earlier.)

Plotline-Watch:

Oh, yeah, I guess this part is important: as a bit of a post-credits teaser, the issue ends with Doomsday’s tied up body floating in space... at which point he opens his eyes, looks at us, and starts laughing. (This moment always creeped me the hell out, but reading it in 2017, it just looks like a selfie.)

The nuclear worker who says he knows Superman wasn’t lying: he’s the exact same worker Superman met while preventing a meltdown way back in Superman #51, two years ago! Yessssss. I live for this stuff.

On that note (continuity details only I care about), Professor Hamilton studies Cyborg Superman by putting him inside the same “isolation chamber” where he examined Jimmy Olsen when he came down with an alien virus that turned him elastic. I figured Ham threw that thing out after all the inter-dimensional trouble it caused.

When Supeman smashes into Cadmus, Director “Asswipe” Westfield wonders if it’s “the kid” coming back. It may have been the Spanish translation, but when I read this as a kid myself, I figured he was talking about his son. As we’ll see next week, he... uh, kind of was (Geoff Johns retcons be damned).

I like this S.T.A.R. Labs worker who’s like “Holy shit, the MOST FAMOUS PERSON ON EARTH rose from the grave and is standing in front of me right now! Anyway, nope, you can’t see my boss.”

Given future revelations, a lot of people wonder if the Cyborg’s inner narration in this issue is inconsistent with the character. Don Sparrow says: “The captions as Superman steals Doomsday’s body are interesting, especially as we read this in hindsight. My guess is, he’s purposely thinking these thoughts since Dubbilex might be nearby. It seems telling to me that he mentions J’onn by name, and not Hal Jordan, or John Stewart.” (He says about Doomsday’s corpse: “Green Lantern could have atomized you with his ring. J’onn could have shattered your bones.”) I like that a lot, but there’s another possible explanation people never consider: this dude, bear with me here, might be a little nuts.

Speaking of psychopaths, there’s a Whit cameo in this issue, but that’s enough panels from now. More commentary from the great Don Sparrow after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

As I was observing in the latter part of the Doomsday storyline, this is pretty much peak Jurgens and Breeding, as the art on these issues is just gorgeous, page after page.  The opening page splash is a great one, with a beautiful, wearied Lois, still prominently wearing the engagement ring from a dead man, who appears in the rain-streaked windshield.

This issue has the most suspense of the four introductions to the Superman, and I love how long it takes us to actually see him, instead showing us his insane power array through characters reacting to him. It’s great storytelling, and more than that, gives this character an ominous, threatening feel, which is reinforced when even a known good guy, Jim Harper, is horrified by The Man of Tomorrow’s appearance.

Speaking of horror, the expression on The Man of Tomorrow’s face as he sees Doomsday is very affecting, especially in contrast with his unmoving, non-reacting cybernetic eye.

There’s a sense of satisfaction as The Man of Tomorrow disposes of Doomsday’s body.  Again, it’s a great showcase for the new powers this Superman has, but if only for the moment, seeing a living Superman, and a dead Doomsday feels good.

What doesn’t feel good is the emotional ringer Lois is put through as The Man of Tomorrow makes his case to her.  Somehow he’s even more difficult to look at with his hair flattened by the rain. We’re in deep RoboCop territory when he describes snippets of his past life, hitting on one or two key phrases to make the reader believe this is really Clark.

And again, as Professor Hamilton seems to triumphantly declare this character’s legitimacy, there’s such a sense of horror to it, in such contrast from The Man of Tomorrow’s all-American pose. 

Lastly, that last page reveal is so haunting, so scary, and so cool, I love that it’s punctuated by a thank you to departing super-teamster (and my all-time favourite comics professional) Jerry Ordway, an enormous architect of this wonderful era of comics. [Max: I can’t believe they took out that little shout out to Ordway in some versions of the tradepaperback, so I was very glad to see it’s included in the big-ass omnibus I’m reading now.] The drawing of that insane eye peering through Doomsday’s ocular cage is just so, so freaky.  I love it.

This week’s mini-poster is another good one, again showing the unique nature of this new Superman’s powers.  The post is all Superman, but there’s just something off about it. 

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Godwatch:  Not so much this week.  Just a shocked “Lord” from Lois as she sees the surveillance photo of the Man of Tomorrow.

I like the callback of the very David Ben-Gurion looking scientist from Superman #51, if only because he’d be familiar with the original Superman.

I know the point of the exchange at the vault was to establish this mechanical Superman’s tech powers, but I find it hard to believe there’s ANY vault the original Superman couldn’t get into. [Max: Which supports my theory that this guy just likes “interfacing” with machines a little too much.]